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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.
#information #ages #populations #yemen #projections
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart shows how many populations in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy
divided
Add a missing verb
are divided
show examples
 into three
age
Use synonyms
 groups, which
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 0-14
years
Use synonyms
, 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 and 60+
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yemen
Use synonyms
's projection results in
age
Use synonyms
 proportions trend
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
contradict
Replace the word
contradictory
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 to Italy,
Although
Linking Words
 these two countries have a big portion for the
age
Use synonyms
 group of 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 in both 2000 and 2050. In 50
years
Use synonyms
,
Yemen
Use synonyms
 shows a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 for the
age
Use synonyms
 range of 15-59
years
Use synonyms
 about 11% to 57.3%,
while
Linking Words
 Italy witnessed a
decrese
Correct your spelling
decrease
 trend to 46.2%.
Then
Linking Words
, in
Italy
Add a comma
Italy,
show examples
a younger generations
Correct the article-noun agreement
a younger generation
younger generations
show examples
 experienced a rapid surge to 42.3% from 24.1%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Yemen
Use synonyms
 showed relatively little change around
2.1
Correct article usage
a 2.1
show examples
% rise to 5.7%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the elder group in
Yemen
Use synonyms
 had a major fall from 50.1%
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 in 2000 to 37.0% in 2050, meanwhile
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Italy only experienced a small decrease from 14.3% in 2000 to 11.5% in 2050.
Submitted by amaliabalqis26 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, age, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age demographics
  • age structure
  • population distribution
  • youthful population
  • ageing population
  • life expectancy
  • birth rate
  • demographic shift
  • population projection
  • median age
  • dependents
  • working-age population
  • elderly dependents
  • geriatric
  • fertility rate
  • migration
  • demographic trends
  • baby boomers
  • demographic dividend
  • population pyramid
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