IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

in some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness traniner, rather than playing sports or doing exercis classess is this positive and negative of hiring private trainer

#countries #people #fitness #traniner #sports #exercis #classess #trainer
Private trainers are in higher demand in several countries. Conducting the trainers
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 in performing sports or physical exercise as they likely can scan through a diet habit and the abilities of
individal
Correct your spelling
individual
individuals
 that can perform during the session. I believe that there would be a positive impact in getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 private
trainer
instead
 of doing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the class activities. Nowadays, more and more people
buid
Correct your spelling
build
 a
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 by making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time to go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 and eating clean. Going to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
 doesn't help a person to get into shape,
thus
, where the private instructor gets
to involve
Change the verb form
involved
show examples
. To be honest, hiring the instructor is costly, but he or she helps to advise good postures,
as well as
 knows various types of exercise that can advantage to the targeted body parts.
For example
, adding extra weight to achieve
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain exercises when they believe that their trainee is capable.
Moreover
, fitness
trainer
Fix the agreement mistake
trainers
show examples
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
 likely to give suggestions on the series of
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 that
essential
Add a missing verb
are essential
show examples
 for the body during the training which is one of the facts that helps in building the muscle and shapes that they desire.  Doing exercise in classroom form is not a bad idea either,
however
, there might be at least ten to twenty people in each session. The
trainer
 won't be able to concentrate on everyone.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the
trainer
 normally has
back to back
Add a hyphen
back-to-back
show examples
session
Fix the agreement mistake
sessions
show examples
 so it will be difficult to consult one on one.  It can be concluded that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 getting an individual
trainer
 can help
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 in shape and advice on diet
propotions
Correct your spelling
proportions
promotions
 and correct posture.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
, the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 physical advisor will
become
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a good impact in the future.
Submitted by ruthnangying on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve your score, make sure to have a clear introduction that clearly outlines your position on the topic, followed by well-structured paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Ensure transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smooth to enhance readability.
task achievement
For task response, fully address all parts of the prompt by discussing both positives and negatives of hiring a personal fitness trainer. Provide balanced arguments with examples to support both points of view. Also, a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position is essential for a cohesive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!