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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think spending a lot on birthdays and marriage celebrations is a waste of money but others think it is important to the young people and the society.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #birthdays #marriage #celebrations #waste #money #society
In the current world, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
 like to celebrate any special occasion by inviting a lot of
people
. The discussion that throwing too much
money
 to hold
parties
 like
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
, marriage or any other special event is a debatable one, with strong
logics
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logic
show examples
 provided by the supporters of both
the
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apply
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views. A few argue that
the
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special events need to be celebrated grandly, as
it
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they
show examples
happens
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happen
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 only a few times in a lifetime.
For instance
, marriage is considered to occur once in a lifetime and
the
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apply
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people
 want to have the memory of that event until their
last
 breath.
This
 is possible only when the location is well decorated and all of the friends and
the
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neighbours are invited. By spending limited
money
, it is almost impossible to achieve something special which will be remembered forever.
Thus
 it is obvious, why some
people
incline
Wrong verb form
are inclined
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 towards
this
 point of view.
On the other hand
, some
people
 believe that it is not right to spend a huge amount
money
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of money
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 on personal celebrations as there are a lot of
people
 across the globe under starvation.
For example
, in most of the African countries, many
people
 do not even have food to eat for a single meal a day. In case, the
money
 spent on
celebration
Correct article usage
the celebration
show examples
 can be sent to the
people
 who are really in need, definitely, a lot of life can be saved.
Hence
, it is clear why a few individuals refute
with
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apply
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high spending
parties
. Considering the memories of special occasions
as well as
 starvation, spending much
money
for
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on
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parties
 has been supported and refuted by many. Even though memories of some special events are important, saving human life from starvation is more important.
Hence
, in my opinion, it is necessary to cut down the spending on
parties
 and spend that
money
for
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on
show examples
 the poor
people
’s food.
Submitted by lychieuxien on

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Task Achievement
You have successfully addressed the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and giving your opinion; however, to enhance your Task Achievement score, strive to fully address all parts of the prompt with detailed examples and a balance of discussion between both perspectives. Further elaboration on your reasoning behind your opinion would also strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow but can benefit from better connectivity and coherence. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is expanded upon in a structured way.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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