IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the casw? What are the problem?

#countries #tourism #industries #casw
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Undoubtedly
tourism
Use synonyms
 has become a common phenomenon which allows individuals to explore different countries.
Holiday
Correct article usage
The holiday
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 sector
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is
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are being lengthen
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are being lengthened
are lengthening
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 in several underdeveloped nations in the current era.
This
Linking Words
 essay will delve into causes
an
Replace the word
and
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 its effect. To commence with, it is
Add an article
a well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that
tourism
Use synonyms
assist
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assists
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 in
economic
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an economic
the economic
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 boost of a
nation
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. Holidaymakers who are
traveling
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travelling
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 to other countries to explore culture, nature, and wildlife end up
in
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apply
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paying some amount for accommodation, transport, and entertainment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, visitors are injecting capital into
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
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 economy.
Due to
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this
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,
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the majority
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majority
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the majority
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 of developing countries
such
Linking Words
 as Thailand, India, and
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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Philippines
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the Philippines
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 are constructing new infrastructure, roads, restaurants, and hotels so,
Use synonyms
Correct word choice
that tourist
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Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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do
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does
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 not encounter
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apply
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with
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apply
show examples
any difficulty
while
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 staying. If nature has
plethora
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a plethora
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 of things to explore
along with
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 good living conditions, they will definitely prefer that country more which will help to incline in revenue.
However
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that
Use synonyms
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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industry
Use synonyms
 leads to
pollution
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. To elaborate, commuters are not aware
about
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of
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obligation
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the obligation
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 of
particular
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the particular
a particular
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nation
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 so, they do not bother about throwing waste. They throw litter either on land or inside water which
contaminate
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contaminates
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environment
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the environment
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.
Additionally
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,
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tourism
Add an article
the tourism
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industry
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 accounts
to
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for
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
the large
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 proportion of air
pollution
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.
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Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
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 use local road transport for commuting which
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
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 carbon footprints in
atmosphere
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the atmosphere
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, resulting in polluting
air
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the air
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.
For instance
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, India has been facing
80
Correct article usage
an 80
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% rise in air
pollution
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 every year since 2010 when
Use synonyms
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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industry
Use synonyms
 was just expanded. To cap it all,
although
Linking Words
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
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industry
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assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in
inclining
Verb problem
increasing
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 revenue of
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nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 which
allow
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allows
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 dropping
nation
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 to expand
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tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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industry
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, yet
pollution
Use synonyms
 created by
tourism
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 cannot be ignored.
Submitted by jashanpreetmann1515 on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on developing a clear introduction with a thesis statement that outlines what will be discussed in the essay. Avoid presenting too much detail in the opening paragraph.
logical structure
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
supported main points
Provide stronger support for your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. Each paragraph should clearly convey one main idea supported by evidence or examples.
complete response
Ensure a full response to all parts of the task by adequately explaining both the reasons for the expansion of tourism and its associated problems. Expand on ideas to show a greater depth of understanding.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas fully. Aim for comprehensive coverage of the topic by discussing each point thoroughly and avoiding superficial treatment of important aspects.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, detailed examples to effectively illustrate and support your arguments. General statements lack the depth required to achieve a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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