IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the casw? What are the problem?

#countries #tourism #industries #casw
Undoubtedly
tourism
 has become a common phenomenon which allows individuals to explore different countries.
Holiday
Correct article usage
The holiday
show examples
 sector
Change the verb form
is
show examples
are being lengthen
Change the verb form
are being lengthened
are lengthening
show examples
 in several underdeveloped nations in the current era.
This
 essay will delve into causes
an
Replace the word
and
show examples
 its effect. To commence with, it is
Add an article
a well
show examples
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that
tourism
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in
economic
Add an article
an economic
the economic
show examples
 boost of a
nation
. Holidaymakers who are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to other countries to explore culture, nature, and wildlife end up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
paying some amount for accommodation, transport, and entertainment.
Therefore
, visitors are injecting capital into
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
show examples
 economy.
Due to
this
,
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of developing countries
such
 as Thailand, India, and
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 are constructing new infrastructure, roads, restaurants, and hotels so,
Correct word choice
that tourist
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not encounter
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any difficulty
while
 staying. If nature has
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of things to explore
along with
 good living conditions, they will definitely prefer that country more which will help to incline in revenue.
However
, it is undeniable that
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
industry
 leads to
pollution
. To elaborate, commuters are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
obligation
Add an article
the obligation
show examples
 of
particular
Add an article
the particular
a particular
show examples
nation
 so, they do not bother about throwing waste. They throw litter either on land or inside water which
contaminate
Change the verb form
contaminates
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
Additionally
,
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
industry
 accounts
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
the large
show examples
 proportion of air
pollution
.
Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
show examples
 use local road transport for commuting which
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
show examples
 carbon footprints in
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
, resulting in polluting
air
Correct article usage
the air
show examples
.
For instance
, India has been facing
80
Correct article usage
an 80
show examples
% rise in air
pollution
 every year since 2010 when
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
industry
 was just expanded. To cap it all,
although
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
show examples
industry
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in
inclining
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 revenue of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 dropping
nation
 to expand
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
industry
, yet
pollution
 created by
tourism
 cannot be ignored.
Submitted by jashanpreetmann1515 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Work on developing a clear introduction with a thesis statement that outlines what will be discussed in the essay. Avoid presenting too much detail in the opening paragraph.
logical structure
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
supported main points
Provide stronger support for your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. Each paragraph should clearly convey one main idea supported by evidence or examples.
complete response
Ensure a full response to all parts of the task by adequately explaining both the reasons for the expansion of tourism and its associated problems. Expand on ideas to show a greater depth of understanding.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas fully. Aim for comprehensive coverage of the topic by discussing each point thoroughly and avoiding superficial treatment of important aspects.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, detailed examples to effectively illustrate and support your arguments. General statements lack the depth required to achieve a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: