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Band 4.5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourism industries. Why is this the casw? What are the problem?

#countries #tourism #industries #casw
Undoubtedly
tourism
 has become a common phenomenon which allows individuals to explore different countries.
Holiday
Correct article usage
The holiday
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 sector
Change the verb form
is
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are being lengthen
Change the verb form
are being lengthened
are lengthening
show examples
 in several underdeveloped nations in the current era.
This
 essay will delve into causes
an
Replace the word
and
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 its effect. To commence with, it is
Add an article
a well
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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that
tourism
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in
economic
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an economic
the economic
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 boost of a
nation
. Holidaymakers who are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 to other countries to explore culture, nature, and wildlife end up
in
Change preposition
apply
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paying some amount for accommodation, transport, and entertainment.
Therefore
, visitors are injecting capital into
regime
Correct article usage
the regime
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 economy.
Due to
this
,
Correct article usage
the majority
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majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of developing countries
such
 as Thailand, India, and
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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 are constructing new infrastructure, roads, restaurants, and hotels so,
Correct word choice
that tourist
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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do
Change the verb form
does
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 not encounter
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apply
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any difficulty
while
 staying. If nature has
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
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 of things to explore
along with
 good living conditions, they will definitely prefer that country more which will help to incline in revenue.
However
, it is undeniable that
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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industry
 leads to
pollution
. To elaborate, commuters are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
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obligation
Add an article
the obligation
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 of
particular
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the particular
a particular
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nation
 so, they do not bother about throwing waste. They throw litter either on land or inside water which
contaminate
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contaminates
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environment
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the environment
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.
Additionally
,
tourism
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the tourism
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industry
 accounts
to
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for
show examples
large
Add an article
a large
the large
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 proportion of air
pollution
.
Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
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 use local road transport for commuting which
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
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 carbon footprints in
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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, resulting in polluting
air
Correct article usage
the air
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.
For instance
, India has been facing
80
Correct article usage
an 80
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% rise in air
pollution
 every year since 2010 when
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
industry
 was just expanded. To cap it all,
although
holiday
Correct article usage
the holiday
show examples
industry
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in
inclining
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 revenue of
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
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 which
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 dropping
nation
 to expand
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
show examples
industry
, yet
pollution
 created by
tourism
 cannot be ignored.
Submitted by jashanpreetmann1515 on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on developing a clear introduction with a thesis statement that outlines what will be discussed in the essay. Avoid presenting too much detail in the opening paragraph.
logical structure
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
supported main points
Provide stronger support for your main points with more detailed and relevant examples. Each paragraph should clearly convey one main idea supported by evidence or examples.
complete response
Ensure a full response to all parts of the task by adequately explaining both the reasons for the expansion of tourism and its associated problems. Expand on ideas to show a greater depth of understanding.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas fully. Aim for comprehensive coverage of the topic by discussing each point thoroughly and avoiding superficial treatment of important aspects.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate specific, detailed examples to effectively illustrate and support your arguments. General statements lack the depth required to achieve a higher score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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