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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of Japanese tourist market. write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown beow.

The charts below show the number of japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of Japanese tourist market. write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown beow.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia #tourist #market #report #university #lecturer #information #beow
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The charts outline how many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists
on
Add a missing verb
were on
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trip
Add an article
a trip
show examples
 abroad from 1985 to 1995 and
Australia
Use synonyms
's share of the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourist market. In
generall
Correct your spelling
general
, what stands out from the charts is that
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 going
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad marginally improved over
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
10 years.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Australia
Use synonyms
's divided market with
Japanese
Use synonyms
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
 significantly increased
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the period between 1985 and 1995. Looking at the details,
Japanese
Use synonyms
traveler
Fix the agreement mistake
travelers
show examples
been
Verb problem
went
show examples
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
 above 4 in 1985
then
Linking Words
 considerably climbed for a half_decade. After that,
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists slightly fell and the number of
traveller
Change to a plural noun
travellers
show examples
 swiftly surged above 14 between 1991 to 1995. With regards to,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 coming to
Australia
Use synonyms
,
Australia
Use synonyms
's
divided
Replace the word
division
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 with
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists dramatically grew the
perid
Correct your spelling
period
 between 1985 and 1988.
In addition
Linking Words
, gradually dropped above 4 in 1989.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Australia
Use synonyms
's
distributed
Replace the word
distribution
show examples
 considerably
shoot
Wrong verb form
shot
show examples
 up on top of 6 from 1989 to 1993.
Finally
Linking Words
, slightly slipped to under 6 from a year
.
Rephrase
ago.
show examples
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "divided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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