IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The supplied bar chart represents data about females in different age that gave a birth to the first child in Australia in the year 1966, 1986 and 2006.

The supplied bar chart represents data about females in different age that gave a birth to the first child in Australia in the year 1966, 1986 and 2006.
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The bar chart compares the statistics of the
age
Use synonyms
 of Australian females who gave birth to their first kid in 1966, 1986, and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, it was more popular to have a baby at the
age
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
of
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 19 to 24 in the past,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent years the tendency for those who are older than 25 and 30
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 increased
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Additionally
Linking Words
, for those who were over
40
Add a comma
40,
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 it was quite rare to start a family during these years.
To begin
Linking Words
, in 1966, about 62% of women who were 19 to 24 years old had their first newborn, accounting for the highest percentage in the chart, followed by the 25 to 30
age
Use synonyms
 group, at around 36%, and under 19 females, at approximately 32%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest figure in 1986 was for those who were from 25 to 30, surpassing the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
females younger than 24, at just over 35%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, only 5% of women became parents at the
age
Use synonyms
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 40 in 2006, followed by around 3% in 1966, and just 2% in 1986, representing the subordinate number among the others.
Although
Linking Words
 just under 10% of women who were 34 to 39 decided to welcome a newborn in 1966,
this
Linking Words
 figure had reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30% by 2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • data representation
  • females
  • age groups
  • gave birth
  • first child
  • trends
  • significance
  • shift
  • later age groups
  • socio-economic factors
  • analysis
  • peak age groups
  • future predictions
  • past trends
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