Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.
Money
is a financial method that people
use to fulfil their needs. Some people
argue that money
is a factor in achieving joy, however
, I agree with those who think that money
is not the only thing that could bring happiness
.
On the one hand, owning a dream stuff or an item could give instant happiness
feeling for a person. The ability for a person to get an item is having adequate money
for making any transactions or payments. Hence
, some people
believe that money
can bring happiness
because always in line with everything that they can buy or achieve. Moreover
, money
sometimes
perceived as a tool for power. Having a bunch of Add a missing verb
is sometimes
money
means a person has a lot of authority to control. To illustrate, businessmen could use the money
for bribery to their suppliers, so they could get everything for their own benefit.
On the other hand
, money
is not the only factor that contributes to happiness
. It could vary. For people
who have a broad perspective, having a healthy body is also
one of conditions
that could bring Add an article
the conditions
happiness
. A healthy body cannot be achieved with money
, it comes from a healthy habit and food. Take the situation of people
with a severe illness , for example
, in this
case, people
should take
medical treatment to get fit back. Verb problem
get
Moreover
, even though they have a lot of money
, they cannot enjoy it while
they only lie in bed. Thus
, money
is not always linked with the level of happiness
that people
have.
In conclusion, for some people
money
could bring them happiness
because they can get anything they want, whereas
happiness
not only can be achieved by having money
. Therefore
, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that money
is not the only thing that could contribute to people
's happiness
.Submitted by 2024successielts on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, it is important to ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the other. Use transition words to guide the reader through your argument and make sure the connections between your points are clear.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which is good. However, make sure both are fully developed. Your introduction should more clearly introduce the differing viewpoints and your conclusion should succinctly summarize your argument without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
When supporting your main points, aim to include more specific examples. These examples should be relevant and effectively illustrate the argument you are making. This will strengthen your discussion and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, ensure that you discuss both views presented in the question equally. You may also want to clearly state your own position if the question asks for it.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on developing your argument further and explaining your points more fully for clarity.
task achievement
Relevant, specific examples are important in making your essay convincing. Ensure the examples you use clearly relate to the topic and support the argument you are trying to make.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?