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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

#children #amount #time #front #screens
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There are 3 main reasons why
children
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 in
this
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 generation tend to spend a large amount of time in front of gadgets. One,
technology
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 has advanced a lot over the past years,
therefore
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 it is without a doubt that
technology
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 has taken over our lives. We can't fully say that
technology
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 is not beneficial, as there are so many advancements in many sectors all because of
technology
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 and AI.
Second,
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most parents tend to have the same bad habits - spending large amounts of time in front of screens -
therefore
Linking Words
children
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 tend to follow them as parents are their biggest impact.
Third,
Linking Words
most of the learning done in school is uploaded through online platforms. I think
this
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 was first done, during the COVID-19 Pandemic, and ever since that event, everything has shifted online.
Although
Linking Words
technology
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 and AI have a lot of benefits, there are
also
Linking Words
 a lot of problems that may arise from it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, mental health problems
has
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have
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 been rising ever since the Pandemic of COVID-19. Not only was it because of the
increase
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increased
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 time people stayed inside the house, but
also
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 because
the
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of the
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 amount of cyberbullying that increased through social media. With
children
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 scrolling through social media more these days, it's more likely for them to have mental health problems.
Secondly
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,
long-term
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the long-term
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 problem includes sight problem. As we all know, looking at the screen for too long is not good for our eyes.
This
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 is
also
Linking Words
 why
children
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 these days tend to use glasses more.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, there are many
bad
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of bad
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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in
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on
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 the internet,
such
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 as violence and adult content.
In
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On
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 most platforms, it is very easy to access them -
Therefore
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 it might be very dangerous for
children
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, especially if their parents have not taught them
regarding
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about
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 good content and bad content. In conclusion, advancement in
technology
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 has impacted the world - both, good and bad.
However
Linking Words
, we will not be able to stop the advancement of it in the future,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is really important to be able to know which is beneficial and which is not. If everyone is able to do so, the world can be a happier place.
Submitted by tiana29.alisjahbana on

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coherence cohesion
Aim to clearly outline the causes and problems in the introduction for a stronger foundation to your essay.
task achievement
Develop each main point with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and meet the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical flow by using a range of linking expressions to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions or recommendations which might address the problems discussed, in keeping with the task's expectations.
coherence cohesion
Double-check your essay structure to include a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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