IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Modern technology in now very common in most workplaces. How do you thik this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying to much on technology?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In modern society, advanced technologies are widespread in the workplace. In my opinion, the usage of high-tech devices brought a lot of positive changes to the working process, but at the same time, technology’s progress is the cause of new drawbacks.   In some industries,
due to
Linking Words
 innovation, the production process has turned upside down because now the whole working cycle can be executed by pushing a single button on a computer panel.
As a result
Linking Words
, people can do their jobs faster and easier with the help of machinery.
In other words
Linking Words
, it can be called the Second Industrial Revolution.   One obvious disadvantage is that users rely too much on electronic devices rather than utilizing their creativity and capabilities, especially in memorizing or calculating.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, their memory and mindset are not sharp enough to do it on their own.
Hence
Linking Words
, in a situation where these users have no access to their gadgets, they can feel helpless.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays, a majority of smartphone users hardly recall the telephone numbers and dates of birth of their friends and relatives since cell phones are always ready to help, and
therefore
Linking Words
, people do not need to keep them in their memory.  
Finally
Linking Words
, the development of modern technology affects the health of humans, specifically those employees whose jobs are connected to computers. Unwillingly, they lead a sedentary lifestyle, spending about eight hours sitting at the desk.
This
Linking Words
 lack of physical activity during
such
Linking Words
 a long period can be the reason for some diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and the immobility of joints.
Also
Linking Words
, the long hours in front of the computer monitor can be subversive for the eyesight because of the constant flickering of the screen.   In conclusion, technological progress brings many benefits to humanity, making our work and household chores simpler;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it has some minuses too. It’s essential to keep a healthy balance in the usage of technologies and not rely on them too much.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is expanded with relevant details or examples to fully support your point.
coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, connect your ideas more seamlessly with a range of cohesive devices and transition words.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but make sure the rest of the essay remains equally focused and well-organized throughout.
task achievement
You've addressed the tasks effectively, but to enhance your response, ensure that every point made is thoroughly addressed and linked directly back to the question.
task achievement
While your ideas are comprehensive, continue to work on clarity by making each sentence as precise and straightforward as possible.
task achievement
Incorporate more detailed, specific examples to firmly back your claims and enrich the content of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: