In many countries children are engaged in sorne kind of paid work. Sorne people regard this as complete/y wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The television
can be dangerous Correct article usage
Television
due to
the fact that any community
or family can be damaged by it. We decide to watch it instead
of talking to our loved ones or even visiting them. I completely agree with this
, nowadays technologies
is tearing family relationships apartFix the agreement mistake
technology
,
because we are more focused on the TV itself rather than our Remove the comma
apply
community
. Although
, watching the TV with everybody can transform in
good memories Change preposition
into
at the end
of the day.
The technologies can also
be seen from another perspective and, furthermore
, the screen can create good memories between
a Change preposition
in
community
. As well as
,
a series or a show could create an infinite conversation between our loved ones. Remove the comma
apply
For instance
, we decided to meet up and, because everyone watched the Jimmy Fallon show with Taylor Swift the other day, we couldn’t stop commenting and laughing about it.
Television can also
break down relationships with our family. Sometimes, when watching the screen we purely focus on it and we forget about our surrounding
. Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
Therefore
, a survey conducted by the University of Paris in 2023 showed that the
technologies, Correct article usage
apply
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
mobiles
phones and Change the noun form
mobile
the
TV, can create problems in the family in Correct article usage
apply
a
long term Correct article usage
the
due to
the fact that they became
addicted to the screens.
In conclusion, in my opinion, Wrong verb form
become
this
statement is completely true owing to the fact that society nowadays, is becoming addicted to this
new era and they forget of the real world. Even though, these can create good memories between
the Change preposition
in
community
is it clear that the
television affects more negatively than it Correct article usage
apply
can
positively.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by santos_dij on
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task response
Make sure you address the correct topic fully. The essay you provided seems partly off-topic as it does not address child labor but rather focuses on the impact of television on family and community, which is unrelated to the given prompt. You should discuss the pros and cons of children engaged in paid work as stated in the IELTS topic.
coherence and cohesion
Develop a clear logical structure with an introduction that paraphrases the question, two main body paragraphs that discuss each view separately, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion. This creates a cohesive argument flow that is easy for the reader to follow.
task response
Back up your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Ensure the examples are directly related to the question of children in paid work, including any personal experiences or observations you believe are relevant.
task response
To craft a complete response, ensure you explore both views presented in the prompt and your own opinion fully. Each part of the prompt should be addressed comprehensively to meet the task requirements adequately.
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