Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the present world,

The

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

information technology is more developed and still on the rise.

Smartphones

Use synonyms

and social

medias

Correct your spelling

media

show examples

are owned by everyone from different ages and statuses including teenagers.

This

Linking Words

phenomena

Change the determiner

phenomenon

show examples

leads to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

decrease in

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

Use synonyms

socialization because they prefer to

spent

Change the form of the verb

spend

show examples

their

time

Use synonyms

meeting with friends or other

people

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

about

Remove the preposition

apply

show examples

why

this

Linking Words

happened

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

and

also

Linking Words

the solution.

To begin

Linking Words

with, the development of technology brings many advantages

Change preposition

show examples

our daily lives. It

help

Change the verb form

helps

show examples

us to connect with other

people

Use synonyms

from different nations, learn

many

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

new knowledge and gather the information we need.

Beside

Correct your spelling

Besides

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the benefits, technology

also

Linking Words

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

many disadvantages, and one of them is limiting our

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

Use synonyms

interaction

due to

Linking Words

the comfort

they

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

offer

Correct subject-verb agreement

offers

show examples

in online socialization.

This

Linking Words

could be a disaster as many young

people

Use synonyms

will

lost

Change the verb form

lose

be lost

show examples

their

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

to interact with other

people

Use synonyms

directly.

Moreover

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

can affect them not only mentally but

also

Linking Words

physically because they spend most of their

time

Use synonyms

at home without fresh air and sun exposure.

However

Linking Words

, we can take several solutions to overcome

this

Linking Words

problem. The practical solution is to reduce their daily screen

time

Use synonyms

smartphones

Use synonyms

or any communication devices. And

accomodate

Correct your spelling

accommodate

them to spend more

time

Use synonyms

outside

such

Linking Words

as running, jogging, and walking. One of the reasons why most teenager

really

Add a missing verb

are really

show examples

dependent

with

Change preposition

show examples

their phone

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

smartphones

Use synonyms

can make someone become addicted.

By cutting

Change preposition

Cutting

show examples

and limiting their

time

Use synonyms

smartphones

Use synonyms

with

another positive activities

Replace the adjective

another positive activity

other positive activities

show examples

including reading a book, planting, and spending more

time

Use synonyms

with family and friends can help them

Verb problem

apply

show examples

become less addicted

with

Change preposition

show examples

smartphones

Use synonyms

and socialize more with

othe

Correct your spelling

other

people

Use synonyms

in real

life

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, virtual communication is not bad but us and teenagers. But, we need to balance it with our

real

Add a hyphen

real-life

show examples

life

Use synonyms

interaction

Fix the agreement mistake

interactions

show examples

and

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

intimate face-to-face communication with our friends and family.

rlsk.2899

Feb 3, 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

Be sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, at least 2 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use topic sentences to begin each paragraph and maintain focus on the task prompts.

Task Achievement

Develop your main points with specific examples and details. Provide more depth in your arguments by explaining how technology affects teenagers' social skills and proposing concrete actions that can encourage in-person interactions.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on providing a clear introduction and a summary of your main points in your conclusion. Each paragraph should follow logically from the previous, with clear connections and transitions between them.

Task Achievement

Make sure to answer all parts of the question directly. Address why teenagers prefer online socialization and suggest measures for promoting in-person interaction. Expand on these elements in each body paragraph.

Coherence and Cohesion

Improve the range and accuracy of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetition and aim for variety to more effectively express your ideas and keep the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

310 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

socialization
curate
engaging
social anxiety
digital detox
tech-free zones
mentorship programs
real-world interactions
face-to-face settings
in-person participation
promote
deter
foster
appeal
perspectives
detox challenges
community service

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