Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the present world,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information technology is more developed and still on the rise.
Smartphones
and social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
are owned by everyone from different ages and statuses including teenagers.
This
phenomena
Change the determiner
phenomenon
show examples
leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
decrease in
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
socialization because they prefer to
spent
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
their
time
meeting with friends or other
people
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online.
This
essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
why
this
is
happened
Wrong verb form
happening
show examples
and
also
the solution.
To begin
with, the development of technology brings many advantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
our daily lives. It
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
us to connect with other
people
from different nations, learn
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
new knowledge and gather the information we need.
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the benefits, technology
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
many disadvantages, and one of them is limiting our
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
interaction
due to
the comfort
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
in online socialization.
This
could be a disaster as many young
people
will
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
to interact with other
people
directly.
Moreover
,
this
can affect them not only mentally but
also
physically because they spend most of their
time
at home without fresh air and sun exposure.
However
, we can take several solutions to overcome
this
problem. The practical solution is to reduce their daily screen
time
on
smartphones
or any communication devices. And
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
them to spend more
time
outside
such
as running, jogging, and walking. One of the reasons why most teenager
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
dependent
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
their phone
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
smartphones
can make someone become addicted.
By cutting
Change preposition
Cutting
show examples
and limiting their
time
on
smartphones
with
another positive activities
Replace the adjective
another positive activity
other positive activities
show examples
including reading a book, planting, and spending more
time
with family and friends can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
become less addicted
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
smartphones
and socialize more with
othe
Correct your spelling
other
people
in real
life
. In conclusion, virtual communication is not bad but us and teenagers. But, we need to balance it with our
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
interaction
Fix the agreement mistake
interactions
show examples
and
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
intimate face-to-face communication with our friends and family.
Submitted by rlsk.2899 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, at least 2 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use topic sentences to begin each paragraph and maintain focus on the task prompts.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details. Provide more depth in your arguments by explaining how technology affects teenagers' social skills and proposing concrete actions that can encourage in-person interactions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a clear introduction and a summary of your main points in your conclusion. Each paragraph should follow logically from the previous, with clear connections and transitions between them.
Task Achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question directly. Address why teenagers prefer online socialization and suggest measures for promoting in-person interaction. Expand on these elements in each body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the range and accuracy of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetition and aim for variety to more effectively express your ideas and keep the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • socialization
  • curate
  • engaging
  • social anxiety
  • digital detox
  • tech-free zones
  • mentorship programs
  • real-world interactions
  • face-to-face settings
  • in-person participation
  • promote
  • deter
  • foster
  • appeal
  • perspectives
  • detox challenges
  • community service
What to do next:
Look at other essays: