Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socializing online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the present world,
The
information technology is more developed and still on the rise. Correct article usage
apply
Smartphones
and social medias
are owned by everyone from different ages and statuses including teenagers. Correct your spelling
media
This
phenomena
leads to Change the determiner
phenomenon
the
decrease in Correct article usage
a
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
socialization because they prefer to spent
their Change the form of the verb
spend
time
meeting with friends or other people
by
online. Change preposition
apply
This
essay will discuss about
why Remove the preposition
apply
this
is happened
and Wrong verb form
happening
also
the solution.
To begin
with, the development of technology brings many advantages in
our daily lives. It Change preposition
to
help
us to connect with other Change the verb form
helps
people
from different nations, learn many
new knowledge and gather the information we need. Correct word choice
apply
Beside
Correct your spelling
Besides
of
the benefits, technology Change preposition
apply
also
have
many disadvantages, and one of them is limiting our Change the verb form
has
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
interaction due to
the comfort they
Correct pronoun usage
it
offer
in online socialization. Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
This
could be a disaster as many young people
will lost
their Change the verb form
lose
be lost
skill
to interact with other Fix the agreement mistake
skills
people
directly. Moreover
, this
can affect them not only mentally but also
physically because they spend most of their time
at home without fresh air and sun exposure.
However
, we can take several solutions to overcome this
problem. The practical solution is to reduce their daily screen time
on smartphones
or any communication devices. And accomodate
them to spend more Correct your spelling
accommodate
time
outside such
as running, jogging, and walking. One of the reasons why most teenager really
dependent Add a missing verb
are really
with
their phone Change preposition
on
because
Add a missing verb
is because
smartphones
can make someone become addicted. By cutting
and limiting their Change preposition
Cutting
time
on smartphones
with another positive activities
including reading a book, planting, and spending more Replace the adjective
another positive activity
other positive activities
time
with family and friends can help them to
become less addicted Verb problem
apply
with
Change preposition
to
smartphones
and socialize more with othe
Correct your spelling
other
people
in real life
.
In conclusion, virtual communication is not bad but us and teenagers. But, we need to balance it with our real
Add a hyphen
real-life
life
interaction
and Fix the agreement mistake
interactions
doing
intimate face-to-face communication with our friends and family.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by rlsk.2899 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction, at least 2 body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use topic sentences to begin each paragraph and maintain focus on the task prompts.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with specific examples and details. Provide more depth in your arguments by explaining how technology affects teenagers' social skills and proposing concrete actions that can encourage in-person interactions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a clear introduction and a summary of your main points in your conclusion. Each paragraph should follow logically from the previous, with clear connections and transitions between them.
Task Achievement
Make sure to answer all parts of the question directly. Address why teenagers prefer online socialization and suggest measures for promoting in-person interaction. Expand on these elements in each body paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the range and accuracy of vocabulary and sentence structures. Avoid repetition and aim for variety to more effectively express your ideas and keep the reader engaged.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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