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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries.

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The pie chart below show how dangerous waste products are dealt with in three countries.
This
Linking Words
 pie
chart
Use synonyms
 illustrates the different treatments of dangerous waste
products
Use synonyms
 in three countries
Overall
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, we can see that one of the most commonly used ways to get rid of hazardous waste is by burying it underground. The first two countries, Sweden and South Korea, have similar
methods
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 to deal with these
products
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, with only the proportion of said
methods
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 changing. Sweden recycles a quarter of their
products
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,
together with
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 burning, which takes about 20
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the whole . The rest is being stored underground. South Korea,
on the other hand
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, recycles a good majority of their toxic garbage
filling
Punctuation problem
, filling
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 up 69
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
chart
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. Burning represents roughly a tenth of the
chart
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Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 the underground storying makes 22
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The
last
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 country, being the United Kingdom, possesses vastly different
methods
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.
Firstly
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, subterranean storage is their main way of dealing with
such
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products
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:
Punctuation problem
;
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 it takes 82
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the total, more than any other
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methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
 in any
chart
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.
Secondly
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, the United Kingdom uses two new technologies: sea dumping and chemical treatment, both representing 8%. And
lastly
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, burning the garbage is only
in use
Replace the word
used
 in 2% of the country’s toxic waste treatment.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, products, methods, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dangerous waste
  • recycling
  • incineration
  • waste management
  • percentage
  • burial
  • environmental impact
  • strategy
  • comparison
  • significant
  • methodology
  • effective
  • implications
  • trend analysis
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