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Band 2.5

Being a celebrity can bring benefits and problems at the same time . To what extent do you agree on this statement ?

#celebrity #time
A famous
person
 or
celebrity
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 popular through media
as well as
due to
 people
celebrity
 brings benefits
along with
 problems .
To begin
 with , there are many benefits of being a
celebrity
 .
Firstly
 ,
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
celebrity
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 its own image or dignity .
Every one
Replace the word
Everyone
show examples
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 to famous
person
 .
Secondly
 , every
person
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 and respect to the famous
person
 .
For example
 , Amir Khan is
famous
Add an article
a famous
show examples
 personality . Most of the people give respect and like his acting , work or physique .
Thirdly
 , famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have more money , comfort devices and more property .
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 they can bring what they want .
On the other hand
 , there are more problems for
celebrity
Fix the agreement mistake
celebrities
show examples
. First of all ,
famous
Add an article
a famous
the famous
show examples
person
 cannot go anywhere lonely and cannot enjoy freedom with family .
Moreover
 ,
famous
Add an article
a famous
the famous
show examples
person
 does not have enough time for their family and
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their hobbies .
Furthermore
 , famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have to go anywhere with security because of the crowd .
In addition
 to
this
 ,
due to
 popularity media always spread news regarding famous
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Moreover
 , media create issues regarding personal or
families
Change the noun form
family
show examples
 problems . In conclusion , being a famous film star or
sports
Correct your spelling
sportsman
show examples
 man
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
more benefits but , we cannot
denied
Change the verb form
be denied
deny
show examples
 about negative effects .
Submitted by rauftahir26 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure you have a clear structure, with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion. Avoid mixing benefits and problems in the same paragraph, instead, devote separate paragraphs to discuss each thoroughly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Rather than stating observations, illustrate with concrete scenarios or statistics where possible.
Task Achievement
Ensure you respond to all parts of the task. In this case, rather than simply listing benefits and drawbacks, discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement, which involves analysis and personal reflection.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve your essay by including a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey ideas more effectively and demonstrate language proficiency.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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