IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, in many families both parents need to have jobs. What are some of the problems associated with both parents working, and what are some of the possible solutions? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
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 competitive world, many
parents
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 are forced to go out to
work
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.
This
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 brings many conflicting opinions and problems
however
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 there are many different solutions and here are a few of my recommendations about
this
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand,
Parents
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 going out to
work
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 together will lead to many problems. The first thing that needs to be mentioned is the lack of love from
children
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,
parents
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 spend too much time at
work
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, even on overtime days, they will have to stay from morning to night, the question is are their
children
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 receiving enough love and care?.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, Many
parents
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 fail to balance family and
work
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, which greatly affects their
children
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.
his
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 has a direct impact on
children
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’s life.
Furthermore
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 ,
Children
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 need to receive sincere education and advice from their
parents
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, in
this
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case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
parents
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 cannot meet their
children
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's needs.
However
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, I can be sure that
parents
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 will meet their
children
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's needs, if both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents
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work
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. They can send their
children
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 to a good quality kindergarten environment, or they can send their
children
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 to their grandparents to raise them well.
Furthermore
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, when
parents
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 finish
work
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, they should
also
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 sit down and talk with each other.
children
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, ask them about school,
friends
Correct word choice
and friends
show examples
, combined with educating your
children
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 at home.
This
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 will help
children
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 feel cared for and receive full love from their
parents
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. my family
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
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apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
this
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 solution ,
therefore
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 never feel lonely when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 stay at home . in conclusion, both
parents
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 have no option but
doing
Change the verb form
to do
show examples
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 in order to bring prosperity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
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.All
parents
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 need to do is care and be an emotional support for their
children
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.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with an introduction that paraphrases the question, a body with clearly separated paragraphs for each main idea, and a distinct conclusion that summarizes your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support each main point with clear reasons and or examples. Avoid general statements by providing specific details or experiences.
Task Achievement
Be consistent with your perspective throughout the essay to avoid confusion. If you are discussing problems, maintain that focus before transitioning to solutions.
General
Avoid grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for clarity. Simple, well-constructed sentences are better than complex ones with errors.
General
Increase the variety of your sentence structures and vocabulary to improve the readability and sophistication of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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