IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

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In
modern
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the modern
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age
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, average life expectancy is growing and ageing populations are a common
problem
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 for many developed countries in the world and a ticking
problem
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 that can cause inflation to the economy in the long term. On the surface, an ageing population would increase the pressure on the working
age
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group
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.
For example
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, the government budget to pay retired people,
usually
Correct pronoun usage
which usually
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 comes from taxes of the working
age
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group
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, will increase
while
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 the working
group
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 are reduced in number, to combat
this
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, tax increasing policy will be applied and would place a heavy burden on the working
age
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group
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, which in the long term would cause major stress to the young generation.
Although
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 it is an urgent
problem
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, the answer to
this
Linking Words
problem
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 can already be seen
from
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in
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 some countries like Australia, USA, and Japan.
For instance
Linking Words
, immigration policy is one of the solutions to
this
Linking Words
problem
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.
By bringing
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Bringing
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 a new
work force
Correct your spelling
workforce
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 at a younger
age
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 to their country,
It
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would increase the number of taxes
income
Correct word choice
and income
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 to the government, plus they would
also
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 pay to attend schools and bring more value to the countries that help
balancing
Wrong verb form
balance
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 out the margin or retired population. Turning to the next solution, the government can increase the
age
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 of retirement to lengthen the working period to help lower the number of people they need to support.
However
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,
this
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 solution is temporary and they will still face the
problem
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 again if they
could not
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cannot
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 find a more effective plan. In conclusion, there are many measures to resolve
this
Linking Words
problem
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 but a
long term
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long-term
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 plan should be figured out as soon as possible.

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is developed with specific examples or data.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay by clearly connecting your ideas and ensuring a natural flow from one to the next
coherence and cohesion
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
Provide a more developed conclusion that not only summarizes the main points but also includes a personal insight or a call to action.
coherence and cohesion
Use a broader vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and vary your sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic range.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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