IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

a person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social and material possessions. old- fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

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There is a statement that schools are not
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
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 life requirement anymore, because
Internet
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the Internet
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 provides a
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
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 information, so they can just learn everything at home pretty well. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, because
education
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 is the main priority for everyone and through schools, we are able to obtain a wider range
opportunities
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of opportunities
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non
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for non
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 and academic abilities.
Firstly
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, schools are still important because
however
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,
education
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 is a top priority for everyone. It is written in every country that everyone has an opportunity to get a good quality
education
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 in order to be a good generation in the future to advance the nation and state.
Additionally
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,
education
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 is essential factors that ensure an individual's career path. A higher degree
education
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 that someone obtains, a higher possibility of being near with success.
This
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 phenomenon leads to
asignificant
Correct your spelling
a significant
significant
 enhancement of good quality human resources in certain countries.
For example
Linking Words
, if many people in certain countries are individuals that have higher degrees
education
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such
Linking Words
 as
master's
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a master's
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 degree, they will be good
investation
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investigation
 to increase and motivate other people to pursue their dreams, so the quality of human resources becomes better than
previous
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the previous
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 condition.
Secondly
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, by joining the
school
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,
students
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 may obtain a wider opportunity for non and academic ability. The
school
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 provides several good facilities and services in order to support
students
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' interests and talents
such
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 as olympiad clubs and extracurriculars like badminton, football, tennis, dancing, etc. Joining Olympic clubs will enhance your academic performance and readiness for competition,
whereas
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 extracurricular provide to practice your skills and expand the opportunity to involve
students
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 in tournaments. The
school
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also
Linking Words
 allows
students
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 to increase social capabilities and bonding through
Use synonyms
students association
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student associations
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 by creating inspiring programs and bridging the
school
Use synonyms
's staff with
students
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. All of these benefits can not be obtained through
Internet
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the Internet
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. In conclusion, it is not right if
school
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 is not necessary anymore for children. We need to children engage
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
school
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 because
education
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 is our top priority and
school
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 provides a wider range
opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
show examples
 for non and academic capabilities of
students
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make sure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that addresses the essay prompt directly.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are developed logically.
task response
Develop your ideas comprehensively by elaborating on your arguments and providing clear rationale for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a greater range of connecting words and phrases to demonstrate coherence between ideas and within paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check the essay structure; it should have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are all clearly marked and well-organized.
task response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. These examples should be detailed and relevant to the essay prompt.
task response
Review the relevance of your content to the task and ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed and discussed.
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