a person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social and material possessions. old- fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

There is a statement that schools are not
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
life requirement anymore, because
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
provides a
huge
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
show examples
information, so they can just learn everything at home pretty well. I strongly disagree with
this
statement, because
education
is the main priority for everyone and through schools, we are able to obtain a wider range
opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
show examples
non
Change preposition
for non
show examples
and academic abilities.
Firstly
, schools are still important because
however
,
education
is a top priority for everyone. It is written in every country that everyone has an opportunity to get a good quality
education
in order to be a good generation in the future to advance the nation and state.
Additionally
,
education
is essential factors that ensure an individual's career path. A higher degree
education
that someone obtains, a higher possibility of being near with success.
This
phenomenon leads to
asignificant
Correct your spelling
a significant
significant
enhancement of good quality human resources in certain countries.
For example
, if many people in certain countries are individuals that have higher degrees
education
such
as
master's
Correct article usage
a master's
show examples
degree, they will be good
investation
Correct your spelling
investigation
to increase and motivate other people to pursue their dreams, so the quality of human resources becomes better than
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
condition.
Secondly
, by joining the
school
,
students
may obtain a wider opportunity for non and academic ability. The
school
provides several good facilities and services in order to support
students
' interests and talents
such
as olympiad clubs and extracurriculars like badminton, football, tennis, dancing, etc. Joining Olympic clubs will enhance your academic performance and readiness for competition,
whereas
extracurricular provide to practice your skills and expand the opportunity to involve
students
in tournaments. The
school
also
allows
students
to increase social capabilities and bonding through
students association
Fix the agreement mistake
student associations
show examples
by creating inspiring programs and bridging the
school
's staff with
students
. All of these benefits can not be obtained through
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. In conclusion, it is not right if
school
is not necessary anymore for children. We need to children engage
ourselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
school
because
education
is our top priority and
school
provides a wider range
opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
show examples
for non and academic capabilities of
students
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure that your introduction includes a clear thesis statement that addresses the essay prompt directly.
task response
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your arguments are developed logically.
task response
Develop your ideas comprehensively by elaborating on your arguments and providing clear rationale for your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use a greater range of connecting words and phrases to demonstrate coherence between ideas and within paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Check the essay structure; it should have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are all clearly marked and well-organized.
task response
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. These examples should be detailed and relevant to the essay prompt.
task response
Review the relevance of your content to the task and ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed and discussed.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: