IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, It can be seen that some societies all around the world, have faced cultural erosion. I assume that some concepts namely the global village and new global trends contribute to
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and both governments and individuals have to preserve their culture by supporting it in some ways.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, vanishing heritage has happened in some nations
due to
Linking Words
 their tendency to look modern. In some countries, mostly developing ones,
people
Use synonyms
 do their best in order to become more similar to those who are developed.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 in Asian countries who are mostly Muslim, namely
Iranian
Replace the word
Iranians
show examples
, celebrate Christmas just in the interest of having something in common with Europeans.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they try to ignore their traditions as they consider them demolished and out of date.
As a result
Linking Words
, some societies are at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of cultural erosion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some part of
this
Linking Words
 issue is associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational programmes, as talking about costumes and traditions is not a crucial part of it. So, these are not transferred to the next generations. To
addressing
Change the form of the verb
address
show examples
 the problem of cultural deterioration, folks have to take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 in concert with governments. Governments must pay more attention to the importance of their culture and try to support preservation programmes financially.
For instance
Linking Words
, they have to fund some organisations to hold cultural exhibitions in order to remind
people
Use synonyms
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 background.
Also
Linking Words
, they have to revise educational concepts in terms of involving more texts about these concepts.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should have online platforms with the aim of exhibiting their culture to the world since it is a great way that not only
does it
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stop cultural erosion alive, but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spreads
Wrong verb form
spread
show examples
 it all around the world. In conclusion, I admit that some traditions and customs have been put
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
danger of extinction
as a result
Linking Words
 of globalisation, it could be mitigated by the help of authorities and individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are thoroughly addressed. Focus on explicating problems caused by disappearing festivals and specific, concrete measures to counteract the situation. Bring in more detailed examples and solutions that are directly related to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure. Organize your essay into well-defined paragraphs, each containing one main idea and a clear topic sentence. Cohesion can be improved by using a range of linking words and ensuring that ideas flow sequentially from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Further develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Rather than broad statements, provide tangible illustrations of the problems and measures discussed to enhance reader understanding and interest.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traditional festivals
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • folklore
  • cultural tourism
  • intergenerational
  • homogenization
  • commercialization
  • intangible cultural heritage
  • community engagement
  • awareness
  • revitalize
  • cultural diversity
  • educational programs
  • governmental support
  • logistical support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: