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As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequence #care #people #life #expectancy
There is a heated debate over the topic of increasing
life
 expectancy being the result of advanced healthcare. It is,
thus
, suggested that
this
 general trend be considered rather negative. In the following paragraphs, I will try to delve into
this
 notion and provide certain arguments why I would take issue with that it serves for the benefits of
human-beings
Correct your spelling
human beings
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. There are some particular vantage points why the increased
life-span
Correct your spelling
lifespan
show examples
 should be taken for granted.
Firstly
, thanks to the sharp developments in the technological field, diverse types of medical equipment
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 being invented
that
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
significantly
contributing
Wrong verb form
contribute
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 to the extension of a person’s
life
 cycle. That said, former uncurable diseases,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 cancer, can be
got over
Verb problem
overcome
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 within a certain amount of time. Not only can
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern medical care work out the solutions to existing health issues, but it is
also
 capable of diagnosing the potential threat and suggesting steps to be taken in order to prevent a virus from getting into the human body. These all definitely do mean that people nowadays, stand a chance of living more compared to past ancestors. I,
however
, conceive
this
 recently-born tendency to be quite detrimental
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the global society. It will surely breed a problem connected with the land available to settle for there are more than 8 billion people in the world. As a one body, the international community is now trying to deal with the scarcity of land and if the global population carries on escalating in number, there will highly likely be conflicts among nations.
Furthermore
, the elderly need firm relationships bound with their descendants so that they will be looked after by the younger generation. As a matter of fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
show examples
 tends to gradually become difficult to get
along with
,
expanded
Correct article usage
an expanded
show examples
 period of
life
, albeit, does not seem to work for both the elderly and youngsters as taking care of the elderly is not a typical thing and requires great attention meaning that the youth would not have enough focus on themselves. The elderly
then
, could end up being isolated and left over.
To conclude
,
while
 increased
life
 expectancy has some bright sides, I do reiterate that it is rather disadvantageous.
Submitted by Nivashini_16 on

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion points. Although your introduction provides a foundation, it can be more explicit in presenting the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Make use of a range of cohesive devices to structure your essay more logically and link ideas across paragraphs. Overuse or incorrect use can impact your score negatively.
task achievement
Support main points with specific examples. General statements are present, but the essay would benefit greatly from specific, detailed examples to back up assertions.
task achievement
Maintain a balanced approach to the advantages and disadvantages throughout your essay to comprehensively address the task.
tone
You should aim to present your ideas in a more neutral and formal tone, avoiding the use of colloquial expressions and overly personal language.
conclusion
Try to conclude your essay with a clear judgement or opinion that reflects the content of the essay, indicating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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