As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequence #care #people #life #expectancy

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is a heated debate over the topic of increasing

life

expectancy being the result of advanced healthcare. It is,

thus

, suggested that

this

general trend be considered rather negative. In the following paragraphs, I will try to delve into

this

notion and provide certain arguments why I would take issue with that it serves for the benefits of

human-beings

Correct your spelling

human beings

show examples

. There are some particular vantage points why the increased

life-span

Correct your spelling

lifespan

show examples

should be taken for granted.

Firstly

, thanks to the sharp developments in the technological field, diverse types of medical equipment

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

being invented

that

Verb problem

apply

show examples

significantly

contributing

Wrong verb form

contribute

show examples

to the extension of a person’s

life

cycle. That said, former uncurable diseases,

for

example

Add the comma(s)

example,

show examples

cancer, can be

got over

Verb problem

overcome

show examples

within a certain amount of time. Not only can

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern medical care work out the solutions to existing health issues, but it is

also

capable of diagnosing the potential threat and suggesting steps to be taken in order to prevent a virus from getting into the human body. These all definitely do mean that people nowadays, stand a chance of living more compared to past ancestors. I,

however

, conceive

this

recently-born tendency to be quite detrimental

for

Change preposition

show examples

the global society. It will surely breed a problem connected with the land available to settle for there are more than 8 billion people in the world. As a one body, the international community is now trying to deal with the scarcity of land and if the global population carries on escalating in number, there will highly likely be conflicts among nations.

Furthermore

, the elderly need firm relationships bound with their descendants so that they will be looked after by the younger generation. As a matter of fact

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

human-being

Correct your spelling

human being

show examples

tends to gradually become difficult to get

along with

expanded

Correct article usage

an expanded

show examples

period of

life

, albeit, does not seem to work for both the elderly and youngsters as taking care of the elderly is not a typical thing and requires great attention meaning that the youth would not have enough focus on themselves. The elderly

then

, could end up being isolated and left over.

To conclude

while

increased

life

expectancy has some bright sides, I do reiterate that it is rather disadvantageous.

Submitted by Nivashini_16 on Sat Feb 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction

Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the upcoming discussion points. Although your introduction provides a foundation, it can be more explicit in presenting the main argument.

coherence cohesion

Make use of a range of cohesive devices to structure your essay more logically and link ideas across paragraphs. Overuse or incorrect use can impact your score negatively.

task achievement

Support main points with specific examples. General statements are present, but the essay would benefit greatly from specific, detailed examples to back up assertions.

task achievement

Maintain a balanced approach to the advantages and disadvantages throughout your essay to comprehensively address the task.

tone

You should aim to present your ideas in a more neutral and formal tone, avoiding the use of colloquial expressions and overly personal language.

conclusion

Try to conclude your essay with a clear judgement or opinion that reflects the content of the essay, indicating if the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

366 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8.5
band
You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.
I am writing this letter in regards to my lost paper which I forgot during my stay at the Star Hotel in South Langley on 06 August, 2024.
7.5
band
Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industy to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
One school of thought holds that large industrial organizations should relocate to suburban areas that are far away from city centres. This essay attempts to shed light on both the merits and demerits of this belief before concluding that the former is more important.
6
band
Learning to manage money is undeniably one of the most crucial life skills. In today’s fast-paced world, where financial security directly impacts one's quality of life, understanding how to handle money effectively is essential.
Learning to manage money is undeniably one of the most crucial life skills. In today’s fast-paced world, where financial security directly impacts one's quality of life, understanding how to handle money effectively is essential. This essay will discuss how individuals can best learn to manage their money, considering various approaches such as financial education, practical experience, and the influence of technology.
8
band
Some people think that studying from the past teaches nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It cannot be denied that history has always had a profound impact on today’s revolutionized era. Some people claim that through learning past events, we cannot get essential knowledge which is needed these days, others,however, hold the view that it is imperative that we should be exposed to studying the past so that we will be able to obtain crucial information. This essay will look at both viewpoints before drawing a conclusion.
5.5
band
The Internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, with the development of internet,there is exponential growth in the field of communication and our ways to connect with each other are changed too with this. According to a few people, this new approach has many drawbacks, social isolation is one of them. However, I do not agree with this notion completely and points to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.

As a consequence of improved medical care, people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

You recently attended a meeting at a hotel. When you return home, you found you had left some important papers at the hotel. Write a letter to the manager of the hotel. -Explain the problem. -Say why the documents are important. -Suggest a solution.

Some people think that it would be better for larger companies and industy to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Learning to manage money is undeniably one of the most crucial life skills. In today’s fast-paced world, where financial security directly impacts one's quality of life, understanding how to handle money effectively is essential.

Some people think that studying from the past teaches nothing about today’s life. Others argue that the history is a value source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The Internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialize. To what extent do you agree or disagree?