Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that schools are the best places to learn this. Discuss both these views.

#people #parents #children #members #society #schools #places

One of the most important aspects of a person's social life is participation in society and

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

a beneficial member of it. It is a matter which needs to be thought and there are different ways for

this

acquisition. I believe that it is both

parents

and

schools

that are responsible for

this

issue.

Parents

are the first role models for each person. A

child

learns basic manners from his

parents

and the fundamental social behaviours are established through the observation of the guardians' deeds. Once a pattern is formed in the

child

's mind, it is hard to replace it.

Thus

, it is important for

parents

to teach their children how to behave in the early stages of growing, because if they learn a wrong pattern, it is likely for them to remain and act in the wrong way.

Therefore

, it can be said that guardians play an essential part in

the

Correct article usage

show examples

childs

Change to a genitive case

child's

show examples

manners in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society and they should pay attention to

this

matter.

On the other hand

, school is the first real association which every

child

enters. There are only family members in the house of a student, but it is

school

Add an article

a school

the school

show examples

which consists of a lot of people with totally different mindsets

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

have to get along. In

this

simulation of a bigger nation, kids need more skills to play a suitable part.

Hence

this

is where teachers should take measures and teach the children how to be a helpful member of a nation.

Therefore

schools

' role in teaching social manners

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

undeniable.

Overall

, I am inclined to agree with the fact that both

parents

and

schools

should have their own part in the social foster of a

child

Parents

' role is important for establishing the basics and

schools

are for more advanced social skills. So, it is recommended for both of them to take

this

matter seriously.

Submitted by mohamad.sanaye462 on Sat Feb 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

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coherence cohesion

Include a short introduction that clearly addresses the question and sets out the structure of the essay, followed by a conclusion that sums up your arguments and restates your position to enhance the presence of an introduction and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Support your main points with more detailed, concrete examples to substantiate your arguments and provide a more in-depth exploration of your ideas.

task achievement

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task achievement

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

311 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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