Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, develop countries should give other types of help to the poor countries, rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In
this
world
underdeveloped Add a comma
world,
countries
are in need of all of
types of Change preposition
apply
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
especially
from industrialized nations. When it comes to Add the comma(s)
, especially
help
these Change the verb form
helping
countries
developed states usually donate financial aids
, which is not enough for poverty eradication, and Fix the agreement mistake
aid
at
the end it is necessary to look for Change preposition
in
another types
of help. In Replace the adjective
another type
other types
this
essay
it will be discussed Add a comma
essay,
that
how essential it is to assist poor Correct word choice
apply
countries
through other measures rather than giving them money.
To begin
with
financial Add a comma
with,
aid
, which
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
significant and can solve problems
of impoverished Correct article usage
the problems
countries
in short
period of Add an article
a short
time
particularly at
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
a
time
of need. For instance
, last
year there was an earthquake in Afghanistan due to
which, all the survivors lost their wealth and shelters and had nothing left to live with. at that time
the neighboring countries
helped them sufficient
monetary Change preposition
with sufficient
aid
to rebuild their homes and to supply some food elements to survive. Therefore
, its
not always useless to support with money for a period of Replace the word
it's
it is
time
.
However
, on contrary to financial aid
, other measures including education and training of
easy professions help these needy Change preposition
in
community
for their lifetime. Fix the agreement mistake
communities
According to
some studies and statistics, underdeveloped nations are mostly deprived of higher education and standard
healthcare system, which is more damaging than starvation. Correct article usage
a standard
Because starvation
can be resolved within Correct word choice
Starvation
few
days but Correct article usage
a few
on the other hand
, the
educational and healthcare services are the crucial necessities of a region Correct article usage
apply
which themselves
Correct pronoun usage
that itself
need
at least a decade or two decades to have an educated population and some professionals in order to advance the country and solve the economic issues.
In conclusion, monetary Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
aids
are beneficial to poor countries
to
Change preposition
for
some
limited period of Correct determiner usage
a
time
. While other
types of help Correct word choice
Other
such
as educational and healthcare trainings
yield sustainable results that can Change the wording
training
pieces of training
aid
them to build
their Change preposition
in building
homelands
economic and health Change noun form
homeland's
homelands'
system
for even many generations. Fix the agreement mistake
systems
Thus
, it is advisable to promote non-financial aids
rather than offering funds to a developing nation.Fix the agreement mistake
aid
Submitted by zaky987.zaky on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, make sure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before it. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to state the main idea, and employ cohesive devices appropriately.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion, ensure they clearly address the question and succinctly summarize your argument. In your conclusion, restate your thesis and the main points without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported but could benefit from more development and deeper analysis. Try to expand on each point with further explanation, examples, or evidence.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task, but to achieve a higher score, make sure that your response to the prompt is complete and leave no aspect of the question unaddressed. Clearly articulate your position throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear but strive to develop them more comprehensively; this means exploring each idea in-depth and showing a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples you choose should clearly support the point you are making and be detailed enough to convincingly illustrate your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?