IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, develop countries should give other types of help to the poor countries, rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
Linking Words
world
Add a comma
world,
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 underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 are in need of all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
types of
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 from industrialized nations. When it comes to
help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
 these
countries
Use synonyms
 developed states usually donate financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
, which is not enough for poverty eradication, and
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end it is necessary to look for
another types
Replace the adjective
another type
other types
show examples
 of help. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 it will be discussed
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how essential it is to assist poor
countries
Use synonyms
 through other measures rather than giving them money.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 financial
aid
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
also
Linking Words
 significant and can solve
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
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 of impoverished
countries
Use synonyms
 in
short
Add an article
a short
show examples
 period of
time
Use synonyms
 particularly
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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time
Use synonyms
 of need.
For instance
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 year there was an earthquake in Afghanistan
due to
Linking Words
 which, all the survivors lost their wealth and shelters and had nothing left to live with. at that
time
Use synonyms
 the neighboring
countries
Use synonyms
 helped them
sufficient
Change preposition
with sufficient
show examples
 monetary
aid
Use synonyms
 to rebuild their homes and to supply some food elements to survive.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 not always useless to support with money for a period of
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, on contrary to financial
aid
Use synonyms
, other measures including education and training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 easy professions help these needy
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 for their lifetime.
According to
Linking Words
 some studies and statistics, underdeveloped nations are mostly deprived of higher education and
standard
Correct article usage
a standard
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 healthcare system, which is more damaging than starvation.
Because starvation
Correct word choice
Starvation
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 can be resolved within
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days but
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational and healthcare services are the crucial necessities of a region
which themselves
Correct pronoun usage
that itself
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 at least a decade or two decades to have an educated population and some professionals in order to advance the country and solve the economic issues. In conclusion, monetary
aids
Use synonyms
 are beneficial to poor
countries
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 limited period of
time
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
While other
Correct word choice
Other
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 types of help
such
Linking Words
 as educational and healthcare
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 yield sustainable results that can
aid
Use synonyms
 them
to build
Change preposition
in building
show examples
 their
homelands
Change noun form
homeland's
homelands'
show examples
 economic and health
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 for even many generations.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is advisable to promote non-financial
Use synonyms
aids
Fix the agreement mistake
aid
show examples
 rather than offering funds to a developing nation.

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance the logical structure of your essay, make sure that each paragraph follows logically from the one before it. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to state the main idea, and employ cohesive devices appropriately.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion, ensure they clearly address the question and succinctly summarize your argument. In your conclusion, restate your thesis and the main points without introducing new information.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your main points are supported but could benefit from more development and deeper analysis. Try to expand on each point with further explanation, examples, or evidence.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task, but to achieve a higher score, make sure that your response to the prompt is complete and leave no aspect of the question unaddressed. Clearly articulate your position throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear but strive to develop them more comprehensively; this means exploring each idea in-depth and showing a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. The examples you choose should clearly support the point you are making and be detailed enough to convincingly illustrate your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • poverty alleviation
  • economic inequality
  • developing nations
  • foreign aid
  • sustainable growth
  • technical assistance
  • expertise
  • infrastructure
  • education
  • fair trade
  • trade barriers
  • sustainable development
  • environmental conservation
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