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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of china and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of china and the USA between 1920 and 2000.
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the line graph illustrates about confronment modifications
Change preposition
in a
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
birth
Fix the agreement mistake
births
show examples
 in two countries
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States of America in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 years 1920 to 2000. That view looks
one
Change preposition
like one
show examples
 of the higher
rates
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
 and
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 in 1950.
Overall
Linking Words
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are going up and down every
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
once
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
five
Use synonyms
 years.
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
instead
Linking Words
, for the first
year
Use synonyms
 in 1930 in
China
Use synonyms
, they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number ten.
over
Capitalize word
Over
show examples
 the
five
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
that is
Linking Words
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 twelve and back to down
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 ten for the next
year
Use synonyms
. after that, it
getting
Verb problem
went
show examples
 up to fifteen in 1935 and down to
five
Use synonyms
 in 1940. Fortunately, they had stable
rates
Use synonyms
 until 1945 and
arise
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 to twenty in 1950. after the
year
Use synonyms
,
china
Use synonyms
 always had extremely down
rates
Use synonyms
 until 2000.
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
 a almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
rates
Use synonyms
 for
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 because they
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 and
getting
Verb problem
went
show examples
 down until the
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
. in conclusion, in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of birth
rates
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Republic Of
China
Use synonyms
 and
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States Of America
had
Verb problem
there were
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little differences
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 them. But, they are
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 getting up and down with several
birth
Change to a plural noun
births
show examples
 for each
Use synonyms
five years
Correct your spelling
five-year
show examples
comparisons
Fix the agreement mistake
comparison
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, rates, five, year with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • birth rate
  • demographics
  • population control policy
  • One-Child Policy
  • Baby Boom
  • fertility rate
  • census data
  • fluctuations
  • societal norms
  • economic prosperity
  • Great Leap Forward
  • family planning
  • contraception
  • workforce participation
  • aging population
  • urbanization
  • trend analysis
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