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Band 6.5

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.
#obesity #rate #country #period #time
The line graph illustrates the percentages of obesity
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 to different
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 groups in a country
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1971 to 2005.
Overall
, the proportion of obesity has been increasing among all given
age
 categories
while
 the overweight rate
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
 in
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 18-29 compared to others.
Furthermore
, the number of obese
people
 belongs to
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of 45-64. With
regrads
Correct your spelling
regard
 to
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 45-64, It can be observed that 17% of obese
people
 at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 and it increased significantly to over 35% in 1999 which
platued
Correct your spelling
lasted
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 four years.
Then
 it started to grow again and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of just over 40%.Over
65 year
Correct your spelling
the 65-year
age
 category, the
people
 who
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to that section was almost 17% at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 which
also
 experienced considerable growth after 1976 which
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reched
Correct your spelling
reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 peak of approximately 36% before
fallen
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 35% in 2005.
On the other hand
age
 of 30- 44 , overweight
people
 were almost 15% in 1971, which
also
 began to rise significantly after 1976 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exactly 30% in 1999.
Then
 it fell to just below 30% after two years and rose to just over 35%.
However
,
age
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18-29 category,
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
show examples
 generation was approximately 8% at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period and
seemed
Verb problem
showed
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable growth and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just below 25%
at the end
 of the period.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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