IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.

The table shows the obesity rate in one country over a period of time.
#obesity #rate #country #period #time
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The line graph illustrates the percentages of obesity
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
 to different
ages
Change the noun form
age
show examples
 groups in a country
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1971 to 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the proportion of obesity has been increasing among all given
age
Use synonyms
 categories
while
Linking Words
 the overweight rate
lower
Add a missing verb
is lower
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 18-29 compared to others.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of obese
people
Use synonyms
 belongs to
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of 45-64. With
regrads
Correct your spelling
regard
 to
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 45-64, It can be observed that 17% of obese
people
Use synonyms
 at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 and it increased significantly to over 35% in 1999 which
platued
Correct your spelling
lasted
 for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 four years.
Then
Linking Words
 it started to grow again and reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak of just over 40%.Over
65 year
Correct your spelling
the 65-year
age
Use synonyms
 category, the
people
Use synonyms
 who
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to that section was almost 17% at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 which
also
Linking Words
 experienced considerable growth after 1976 which
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reched
Correct your spelling
reached
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 peak of approximately 36% before
fallen
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 35% in 2005.
On the other hand
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 of 30- 44 , overweight
people
Use synonyms
 were almost 15% in 1971, which
also
Linking Words
 began to rise significantly after 1976 and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
exactly 30% in 1999.
Then
Linking Words
 it fell to just below 30% after two years and rose to just over 35%.
However
Linking Words
,
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18-29 category,
obese
Correct article usage
the obese
show examples
 generation was approximately 8% at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the period and
seemed
Verb problem
showed
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable growth and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just below 25%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
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