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Writing Samples
Band 8

The government should ban smoking in public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedom. Do you agree or disagree.

#government #ban #places #people #freedom
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Smoking in crowded places is always debatable. Some mankind believe it should be banned,
while
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 others think it will veto the individual’s liberty. I fully agree with the given statement that the Government should ban smoking in public places, and I will discuss why it should be banned in public zones.
Firstly
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, it is dangerous for passive smokers, nowadays it become a trend to fume in crowded sites. Smokers don’t care about other public, those who are even not smoking, which is not good for human health.
While
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 a smoker is smoking, the smoke from his cigarette is spreading around the area, and people nearby getting affected. It damages the lungs of humankind and unnecessary burden on the health system.
As a result
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, it is evident that smoking causes health issues for both active and passive smokers.
Secondly
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,
furthermore
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, smoke generates pollution, which is not good for our environment. Celebrities and other popular stars fog at different events and young generations always follow their style of smoking. Youngsters never thought good and bad about smoking.
For instance
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, college students start smoking early in their college time,
due to
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 their classmates. It has been seen that early-aged people had so many lung failures and were admitted to hospitals, if not detected early stage they die of lung cancers and other diseases.
As a consequence
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, it is apparent why smoking in public towns is very dangerous. In conclusion, smoking is a human right of humankind because it brings lots of revenue for the Governments,
on the other hand
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, it should be banned in public sites, so fewer humans will be infected with lung cancers and less burden on the state.
Submitted by rbtech65 on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses the prompt directly throughout, keeping focused on the question that was asked.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on using a wider range of linking words and cohesive devices to form stronger connections between your ideas. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
Language
Consider introducing more varied sentence structures to bring sophistication and clarity to your writing.
Introduction & Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that firmly stated your position, effectively framing your essay.
Supported Main Points
Your main points were well-supported by logical reasoning and pertinent examples, which strengthened your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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