It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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Involving ourselves in unpredictable circumstances to take

risks

is crucial, including in our professional and personal lives. I believe if the decision is taken cautiously,

this

would invent opportunities that greatly serve society.

Therefore

this

advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages. Certain individuals might consider taking

risks

a nightmare because they are scared that it would lead them to make terrible decisions.

This

is why

people

usually refuse to put themselves in situations they have never been.

For example

, some Indonesian citizens are going abroad to work for higher remuneration. They decided to leave their family and even try to go to other countries where they could not speak the language.

However

, news regarding expats who could not bear with the locals in other states was found frequently, and the sad thing is, they cannot go back to their homeland effortlessly because of the contract agreement with the company. Despite

this

appeal, conducting some research could prevent us from unwanted situations. On the positive side,

risks

may lead

people

to encounter something new. Humans' desires to accomplish dreams are often held by fear,

whereas

the

risks

that we have taken might carry us to unpredictable situations, into a good situation obviously, if we could overcome the negative feeling.

This

has happened to the owner of Wardah, one of the leading skincare brands in Indonesia; back

then

, the owner only had a small amount of cost to start the company and no background in business.

However

, she got the willpower to provide suitable Indonesian skincare and decided to take the risk.

As a result

, Wardah has been acknowledged as a local skincare that has a strong brand presence and high quality. Based on Wardah's story, if a myriad of

people

dares

Correct subject-verb agreement

dare

show examples

to obtain their dreams by encountering

risks

thus

there would be other accomplishments that could benefit society. In conclusion,

although

uncertainty may lead

people

to unwanted circumstances,

this

could

also

carry them to fruitfulness if they formerly study the risk.

Submitted by narawriteshare9 on Sun Feb 04 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your view. While your introduction mentions advantages outweighing disadvantages, the clear argument can be further emphasized.

Coherence & Cohesion

Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea, which is then supported by specific examples or explanations. This will help to improve the logical structure of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

Use cohesive devices accurately and effectively to link your ideas and argument throughout the essay. This means using words and phrases that show contrast, addition, consequence, etc., to guide the reader through your arguments.

Task Achievement

Address all parts of the task to ensure a complete response. Discuss both advantages and disadvantages of taking risks with equal depth and provide a clear overall opinion in your conclusion.

Task Achievement

Provide clear and comprehensive main ideas that directly relate to the topic. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.

Task Achievement

Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. This will strengthen your argument and show the reader how your ideas relate to real-life situations.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

330 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many professional sports, there is an increase in the number of athletes using banned substances to improve their performance. What are the causes? What are the solutions?