IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

when a country is already rich, any additional increase in economic wealth does not make its citizens any more satisfied.

#country #wealth #citizens
It is often argued that
while
 a nation is already developed, economic growth with extra investment does not lead to an increase in individual satisfaction. I strongly disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 point of view and express my perspectives in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is the foundation for other kind of aspects,
such
 as education, health, security and technology, that contribute to the
country
's development. So
then
 more budget on economic is more important to avoid
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 depression and
positively
Change the word
positive
show examples
 effect on the other
country
' developing factors.
For example
,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 balance is more important to reduce inflation, and
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintain
show examples
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 lives of citizens.
As a result
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 is a key
factors
Change the noun form
factor
show examples
 in a
country
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and should
give
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
 more attention rather than other factors.
Furthermore
, spending more on
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 offers
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significance in offering a higher standard
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 for nations.
This
 is because
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
economy
provided
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 more opportunities for students
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
high-demand career options and border educational pathways for native and non-native individuals.
For instance
, in Qutar, it is the richest
country
 in the world, there are lots of job opportunities for
Correct article usage
the internation
show examples
internation
Correct your spelling
international
 job market.
Consequently
, it
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 lots of
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 for
propornents
Correct your spelling
proponents
.
Submitted by nathshasamarakoon on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction seems to be incomplete as it abruptly ends without fully presenting the thesis statement of your essay or a plan for what will be discussed. A fully fleshed out introduction sets the stage for the rest of the essay, so include a clear thesis statement and an outline of the points you will cover.
Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks a conclusion, which is crucial for summarizing your arguments and restating your position. It provides closure to the essay and is as important as the introduction. Make sure to include a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.
Logical Structure
You have adequately connected some ideas and arguments with logical transitions, but the overall essay could benefit from a clearer progression of ideas. To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph naturally follows from the one before it and leads into the next. Use cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
Supported Main Points
While you have presented main points to support your argument, they could be further strengthened. Elaborating on your examples with more detailed explanations and evidence will solidify your arguments and make them more persuasive to the reader.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Your perspective on the economic investment of a country is relevant, but it's important to illustrate your points with specific and varied examples. Offer concrete data, studies, or historical context that can back up your claims and make your argument more comprehensive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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