should countries invest in building transport systems? discuss both views and express an opinion
Many
people
believe that investing in a mobility system
is important to the development of a country
. Others,
have the idea that there are much more interesting areas that should Remove the comma
apply
absolve
investments. Verb problem
involve
This
essay agrees with the prior statement and this
point of view will be developed in the following lines.
Integration between cities creates unity in a country
, making trade and people
circulation easier, As a result
, economics and social development are fostered by a good system
of transport
. In Japan, for instance
, where the transportation infrastructure has high quality, it is feasible people
travelling for Change preposition
for people
a long distances
without trouble. The highways are in perfect condition and are well-signed. Correct the article-noun agreement
long distances
a long distance
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
it
, the Correct pronoun usage
apply
transport
of manufactures, commodities and people
through the nation is safe and
provides the circulation of products and services and increasingly enhances Correct word choice
apply
of
the local economy.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, people
that
advocate in favour of investments in other sectors, normally share the Correct pronoun usage
who
ideia
that there are other areas that demand more investments and attention, Correct your spelling
idea
such
as the health sector and education. Thus
, applying money to the transport
system
is irrelevant. Some cities and their government head their management with this
idea and, as an example, I can mention my city. There, people
count on good health facilities and qualified public education. However
, the city infrastructure is poor, with roads in bad condition, no public illumination traffic signs and crowded public transportation. This
way of management is completely the opposite of what I think is a good way to make a country
prosperous. In other words
, investing in building transport
Correct article usage
a transport
system
is essential to make a place grow and develop in different aspects.
To conclude
, some think that the growth of a country
is not connected with its transport
system
, others, like me, believe that applying money in this
field is inevitable to create conditions to foster trade and job opportunities.Submitted by carinabmurakami on
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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position and opinion in line with the prompt. Still, the argument could be further strengthened by providing more specific examples to support the points made. The score reflects this with a 6 for relevant and specific examples within the Task Achievement criteria. To improve, consider incorporating real-life instances or data to bolster your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, warranting a score of 6. The content progresses from general ideas to specific details, but sometimes the links between ideas could be clearer. For enhancement, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the progression of ideas within and between paragraphs is smooth and logical.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?