IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

should countries invest in building transport systems? discuss both views and express an opinion

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that investing in a mobility
system
Use synonyms
 is important to the development of a
country
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. Others
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 have the idea that there are much more interesting areas that should
absolve
Verb problem
involve
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 investments.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the prior statement and
this
Linking Words
 point of view will be developed in the following lines. Integration between cities creates unity in a
country
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, making trade and
people
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 circulation easier,
As a result
Linking Words
, economics and social development are fostered by a good
system
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 of
transport
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. In Japan,
for instance
Linking Words
, where the transportation infrastructure has high quality, it is feasible
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people
Change preposition
for people
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 travelling for
a long distances
Correct the article-noun agreement
long distances
a long distance
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 without trouble. The highways are in perfect condition and are well-signed.
In addition
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, the
transport
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 of manufactures, commodities and
people
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 through the nation is safe
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
provides the circulation of products and services and increasingly enhances
of
Change preposition
apply
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the local economy.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 advocate in favour of investments in other sectors, normally share the
ideia
Correct your spelling
idea
 that there are other areas that demand more investments and attention,
such
Linking Words
 as the health sector and education.
Thus
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, applying money to the
transport
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 is irrelevant. Some cities and their government head their management with
this
Linking Words
 idea and, as an example, I can mention my city. There,
people
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 count on good health facilities and qualified public education.
However
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, the city infrastructure is poor, with roads in bad condition, no public illumination traffic signs and crowded public transportation.
This
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 way of management is completely the opposite of what I think is a good way to make a
country
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 prosperous.
In other words
Linking Words
, investing in building
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transport
Correct article usage
a transport
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system
Use synonyms
 is essential to make a place grow and develop in different aspects.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some think that the growth of a
country
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 is not connected with its
transport
Use synonyms
system
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, others, like me, believe that applying money in
this
Linking Words
 field is inevitable to create conditions to foster trade and job opportunities.

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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position and opinion in line with the prompt. Still, the argument could be further strengthened by providing more specific examples to support the points made. The score reflects this with a 6 for relevant and specific examples within the Task Achievement criteria. To improve, consider incorporating real-life instances or data to bolster your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Coherence & Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, warranting a score of 6. The content progresses from general ideas to specific details, but sometimes the links between ideas could be clearer. For enhancement, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the progression of ideas within and between paragraphs is smooth and logical.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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