IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer living in an apartment while others believe living in a house brings more advantages. Which, out of the two, is better?

#people #apartment #house #two
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While
 a faction of
people
 believe that
apartments
 are convenient
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for living, others argue that
houses
 are the better place. I totally agree with the former view as ample reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
 essay will delve into my
veiwpoint
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
 with relevant illustrations. First and foremost, the
apartments
 are more secure than
houses
.
In other words
,
undoubtably
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
show examples
 the security of the
apartment
 are
sophasticated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated
 than
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
.
For example
, many modern
apartments
 are surveillance with
high security
Add a hyphen
high-security
show examples
 cameras and guards.
Therefore
, the inmates of the
apartments
 would feel safer than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 live in independent
houses
.
Besides
, arguably, the
people
 who live in
apartments
 have better social life than the masses who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent
houses
.
Apartment
 buildings have a resident
assossiation
Correct your spelling
association
associations
, which would
cordinate
Correct your spelling
coordinate
 the occupants of the building and connect each other. Several residential
assossiations
Correct your spelling
associations
 are forefront
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 various social activities.
Furthermore
, the common facilities are
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another obvious advantage of the
people
 live the
apartment
. Most of the modern
apartments
 have common facilities
such
 as
club house
Correct your spelling
clubhouse
show examples
 and swimming pools. The
residents
 of these buildings can use
this facilities
Change the determiner
this facility
these facilities
show examples
 without any extra cost. Since the
maintenances
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of the
apartments
 will
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
 by the
assossiation
Correct your spelling
association
 or builders,
residents
 will not worried about the maintenance cost.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accessibility is another merit of living in
apartments
. In detail, the
apartments
 commonly located inside the city
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would help
residents
 to access the public
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
such
 as
library
Correct article usage
a library
show examples
 and beach compared to the
people
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 living in
houses
 in the countryside or suburban areas. In conclusion,
apartments
providenot
Correct your spelling
provide not
 only security but
also
 social life for the
residents
. Lower maintenance costs and easy
accessiblility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
 are the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 advantages of
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
. Ergo, I believe that living in
apartment
Add an article
an apartment
show examples
 is
convenient
Correct quantifier usage
more convenient
show examples
 than
houses
Fix the agreement mistake
house
show examples
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed with specific examples or evidence. At the moment, some examples given are quite general and could be improved with more specific details or data.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to add complexity and depth to your writing. Using a range of complex sentences can help your essay feel more sophisticated.
general
Be sure to check for any typing or spelling errors that can detract from the overall quality of your essay. Attention to detail can make a significant difference in the presentation of your work.
coherence cohesion
It's good to see an introduction and conclusion present, but make sure these also reflect the main points of your essay thoroughly. The conclusion could benefit from summarizing your arguments more distinctly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use linking words to connect ideas between and within paragraphs. While there is some usage of connectors, more variety and accurate use could improve the flow of the essay.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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