IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think computers and the Internet are important in children's study, but others think students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #computers #internet #children #study #students #schools #teachers
Whilst many think that modern technologies,
such
 as computers should be added to our educational system . I believe they have some noticeable disadvantages in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of risks to
students
.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand, computers provide a lot of facilities to study at home or wherever you want. If
students
 and teachers are in different places they can easily be connected ,
however
 in distance learning format .
Moreover
, they can finish their tasks quickly and spend
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 needed activities.
For example
 , during the times of COVID, the majority of
students
 had plenty of leisure time, despite
this
 , all
this
 given time was spent scrolling through the cell network.
However
 , every student should be in their own environment with their classmates and leaders, as
this
 may lead to doubts and a lack of clarity.
Due to
 the less connection or interaction with the teachers.
Furthermore
 , those
students
 may lose their writing and reading skills because they will get used to typing on a keyboard.
For instance
,in foreign countries,
students
 mostly study on a computer or laptop , which is why they have less habit of writing in a notebook. In conclusion ,
although
 there is a tremendous amount of facilities to study on
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 base for each individual. But they must take into account that they can no longer afford their previous habits in the future .
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement comprehensively. This will set the stage for a logical structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Develop body paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on one main point, providing explanations and examples to support that point effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to clearly connect ideas within and between paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the conclusion summarises the main points discussed and restates your own opinion clearly. It should be a concise wrap-up of the essay's content.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. Address both views presented as well as provide a clear statement of your own opinion with relevant explanations.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas throughout the essay, avoiding vague statements. Provide in-depth analysis rather than just surface-level discussion.
task achievement
Support your points with specific examples. These examples should be directly relevant to the topic and convincingly illustrate your arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: