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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists and technology experts seem to be more valued by modern society than musicians and artists. To what extent do you agree

#scientists #technology #experts #society #musicians #artists
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Many people are convinced that academics and
technocrats
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technocrats are
technocrats were
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 more valuable than musicians and artists in
contemporary
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the contemporary
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 world. In my opinion, from the point of view of public importance, many creative professions are not strictly necessary. In turn, technical specialists and researchers are needed by society to solve important problems of living. Science and technology occupy an important place in the
life
 of society. Scientists
gives
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give
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 us knowledge about the world that surrounds us,
shapes
Correct subject-verb agreement
shape
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 our worldview, create and disseminate new cognition, improve various aspects of human activity and introduce these technologies into everyday
life
.
As a result
 of scientific developments, humanity has defeated many deadly diseases, which has increased the
life
 expectancy of people.
For instance
,
such
 deadly diseases as smallpox, cholera, and tuberculosis were defeated
due to
 the discovery of vaccines by scientists.
In addition
, тechnical and scientific discoveries have made it possible to produce food on an industrial scale, which contributes to solving the problem of hunger in the world. I believe that creative professions are not vital for the functioning of society. Despite the importance of art, a person can quite live without paintings, music and movies if necessary. I agree that creative products help us to be closer to the beautiful,
distract
Correct word choice
and distract
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 us from routine
life
, but they will not help us survive in emergency situations.
For example
, during wars or natural disasters, it is more important to have good communication, means of
defense
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defence
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, and food for the population than art objects. In conclusion, despite the positive impact of art on our lives,
i
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I
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 would like to restate my position, that musicians and artists do not solve the vital problems of humanity, and the value of scientists and technology experts is undeniable
at
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in
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 the present day.
Submitted by 595cga on

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task achievement
Be sure to provide a balanced view when discussing extent of agreement; explore both sides of the argument, even if your position leans towards one.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, which would strengthen your argument and show a deeper analysis of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Work on increasing the complexity and variety of sentences to improve coherence. This can also involve using a wider range of linking words.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure paragraphs are well-structured and that the main idea of each paragraph is clear from its opening sentence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • valued
  • modern society
  • scientists
  • technology experts
  • musicians
  • artists
  • reliance
  • scientific advancements
  • practical benefits
  • driving economic growth
  • daily lives
  • culture
  • human emotions
  • express ideas
  • provoke thought
  • spiritual well-being
  • emotional well-being
  • preserving cultural heritage
  • subjective nature
  • diversity
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