Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A school of thought holds that continuing study at a higher level is the best way to achieve goals,
whereas
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other people assert that it is essential for students to apply for a job after high school.
This
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essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion. On the one hand, entering the work market after graduating high school could be justifiable for many people.
Firstly
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,
this
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choice may give adults financial independence. Individuals can get a salary
instead
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of relying on their parent's money,
this
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could help them buy some things which they like,
moreover
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helping them know the burden that their parents went through.
Secondly
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, working early improves many skills
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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communication, social,
problem-solving
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and problem-solving
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, … These skills help them evolve, gain practical experience
On the other hand
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, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that keeping study in colleges or universities offers many advantages. One reason is that the career opportunities for people who have a
graduation
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graduate
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degree are higher than others.
For example
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, applicants with suitable qualifications can seek a job and have a high income with nearly no difficulties. Another reason is that the grade owner may be hunted by a lot of companies.
This
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can explain why intensity holders have deep knowledge and necessary skills for the position for which they are applying. In conclusion,
while
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it is irrefutable that involving in the workforce before graduating from high academy brings benefits, I would contend that joining colleges or universities is better.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction to explicitly reflect both views and your opinion more clearly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence. Consider using linking words more effectively.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples in your arguments to strengthen your points; rather than stating benefits, illustrating with real-life scenarios can enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
You have successfully introduced the topic and your viewpoint, which sets a clear direction for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, showcasing your ability to discuss multiple perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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