IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after graduating from high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
One
school
 of thought holds that attending higher education could guarantee a prospective career path,
whereas
 other people assert that it is crucial for them to apply for an occupation right after high
school
.
This
 essay attempts to shed light on both perspectives before concluding that I am in favour of the former notion. On the one hand, entering the workforce right after high
school
 could be advantageous to a certain extent.
Firstly
,
this
 choice may make the young become more mature and independent. Specifically, by Choosing a career ladder upon completing high
school
, they could hone practical skills,
such
 as communication skills and problem-solving ability, and enrich life experiences, which would assist them in becoming more resilient in their future life.
Secondly
, seeking employment may empower high
school
 seniors to progress more rapidly in their career path than those pursuing a college education.
For instance
, they may gain practical experience and on-the-job skills by working early, thereby giving (=which could + V) them a competitive advantage in gaining promotions and professional growth compared to those spending additional years in formal education.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that enrolling in colleges could offer more profound benefits for university graduates. One reason is that
this
 decision would enable them to stand a greater chance of landing a well-earned job.
For example
, applicants with a degree in computer science might find employment with a lucrative income in a technology firm or software development company, and
this
 could guarantee them a good standard of living and relieve their financial stress. Another reason is that bachelor degree’s holders could compete more effectively in job hunting.
This
 is because individuals having (who have) a university degree would be prioritized by employers who often view
this
 certificate as an indicator of candidates’ commitment, discipline, and specialized knowledge, thereby giving degree holders an advantage in securing positions that require a higher level of expertise and qualifications. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that participating in the labour market straight after graduating high
school
 is necessary, I would contend that selecting to study
further
 would be more beneficial for youngsters.
Submitted by lyhuongclc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to fully elaborate on the examples provided to enhance clarity and support for your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
Consider using transition words more explicitly to highlight connections between ideas and make the essay flow smoother.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views and clearly states the author’s opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well crafted, clearly outlining and summarizing the discussed viewpoints.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!