The most important reason for a young person to attend a university is to increase the amount of money that he/she will earn in future. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that for many individuals the key to
possess
Wrong verb form
possessing
show examples
a high level of income
laid
Replace the word
lies
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in obtaining
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
degree. I entirely agree with
viewpoint
Correct determiner usage
this viewpoint
show examples
for a number of reasons, which
be
Wrong verb form
are
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outlined below. To my mind, only after
graduation
Add a comma
graduation,
show examples
students are faced with opening
door
Fix the agreement mistake
doors
show examples
to the most respectful companies, giving them the best start to build their successful
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
. In
this
case, potential employers tend to hire individuals who
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
able to enter and complete demanding academic courses in
university
.
This
moment serves the job market as
Correct article usage
a distinguish
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distinguish
Wrong verb form
distinguishing
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ability to identify
high performing
Add a hyphen
high-performing
show examples
professionals and select them from
overage skilled
Add a hyphen
overage-skilled
show examples
employers. Eventually,
former
Correct article usage
a former
show examples
student receives
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
more generous offer than
experienced
Add an article
an experienced
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person without
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
degree.
Also
, attending
university
is a first step to
form
Wrong verb form
forming
show examples
solid
Add an article
a solid
show examples
base of networking. Particularly, with
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, old schoolmates will become clients, trusted business partners and valued contractors, contributing to career development and eventually to
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
pocket.
However
, even
some
Correct word choice
though some
show examples
may suggest that connections can be built beyond
university
walls, they fail to mention the following blatant fact. Namely, 99% of first clients come from
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
and,
thus
,
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
plays a fundamental role
to formulate
Change preposition
in formulating
show examples
such
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree can be seen as the most important reason to increase income through its academic pressure, competitiveness and networking it can offer.
Submitted by Viktoriia.plat on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to clearly connect ideas and arguments throughout the essay.
task achievement
Present more balanced arguments by giving consideration to the counterpoints or limitations to your view and address them in your essay.
task achievement
Use more detailed and varied examples to support your main points, which will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and make your writing more engaging.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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