2) Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
Teenagers
show examples
is
Verb problem
are in
show examples
a very active phase of
life
when they have so much curiosity to explore
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the world. In order to utilize that energy in a positive way, I do believe that they need to be involved in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
social
work
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteered
Replace the word
volunteers
show examples
.
This
will help
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
community
as well as
teenagers
themselves as it will give them a kind of sense of being worthwhile in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
.
Moreover
, it is obvious that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
will
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
benefit from it as it will help to build
harmonious
Add an article
a harmonious
show examples
society
. There are three reasons why I recommend to include
teenagers
in unpaid social
work
.
Firstly
, when
teenagers
start working in the
community
from the early age of their
life
, they will learn different
life
skills which will be useful for them in the future.
Furthermore
, it will help them to gain
work
experience which will make their
life
easy to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
job in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
adulthood.
Moreover
,
teenagers
will feel the sense of being included and being part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
them to grow mentally and physically.
Thus
, I strongly support
to involve
Change the verb form
involving
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
in social activities.
Secondly
, encouraging
teenagers
in social
work
will help to lower the risk of them getting involved in illegal activities. As
teenagers
are very curious by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature to see the world and they can easily
influences
Wrong verb form
be influenced
show examples
by
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
as their articulative ability to
distinguise
Correct your spelling
distinguish
right and wrong is not fully
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
, they might choose the wrong way during
this
stage of
life
.
Therefore
, keeping them busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
community
work
in their free time will help to distract them from making
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
in their
life
.
Thirdly
, involving
teenagers
in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
volunteer
work
will set an example for others to be selfless and help each other.
Moreover
, it will help to build a peaceful, harmonious and cooperative environment in the
community
.
In addition
,
observeing
Correct your spelling
observing
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
doing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
work
will encourage others to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
volunteer
work
in future.
Furhtermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
teenagers
will feel
empower
Change the form of the verb
empowered
show examples
, proud and confident being part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and being able to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
change
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
community
.
Thus
, it is beneficial for both
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
and
teenagers
themselves, I would highly recommend
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
participate in social activities.
Submitted by gita_tiliza on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure your position is clear throughout the essay. Develop your main points with relevant, detailed examples that directly relate to the topic. Try to explore both the benefits and potential drawbacks of the argument to fully address the 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' question.
coherence cohesion
Increase coherence and cohesion by linking ideas and paragraphs more effectively. Use a range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas. Additionally, make sure to reference the main topic in each paragraph to keep focus and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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