IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 modern epoch, with increasing the population demand
of
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for
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 oil and gas
also
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 increasing around the world. Some believe that people encourage the exploitation of untouched places.
This
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 trend has more drawbacks than
benefits
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;
this
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 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with, there are some
benefits
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 of exploration of fossil fuels in remote areas. One of the main advantages is that it generates several revenues
to
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for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals who live in the same location.
This
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 means it can create plenty of jobs and business opportunities.
For example
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, it stimulates economic growth,
Correct word choice
and reduce
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reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 the poverty and living standards
to
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of
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 the population. Another benefit is that these kinds of untouched places may have
the
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apply
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better road facilities and access to
the
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apply
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water
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 and power connections when mining activities are started
for getting
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to get
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 oil and gas. Despite these
benefits
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,
this
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 trend has some drawbacks. One of the adverse effects of exploiting fossil fuels is
pollution
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. To explain, the air and land
pollution
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 will occur when exploiting
to
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apply
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mining activities to get oil and gas through the extreme
dusts
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dust
specks of dust
clouds of dust
bags of dust
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 and use of chemicals. Another disadvantage is
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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water
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pollution
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 and waste;
this
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 process requires a large volume of
water
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,
thus
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, increasing the shortage of
water
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 around the world.
For instance
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, many African nations already face
the
Correct article usage
a
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 shortage of
water
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due to
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 mining activities. Needless to say, natural resources are affected by exploiting oils from untouched locations.
To conclude
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,
although
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 getting fossil fuels from remote areas brings employment and business chances
Add the comma(s)
, as well as road facilities, water and power connections,
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as well as
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 road facilities,
water
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 and power connections
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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benefits
Use synonyms
,
water
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, air and land
pollution
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 will occur
along with
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 a large volume of
water
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 resources being wasted
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the drawbacks.
However
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,
this
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 trend has more disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

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task achievement
To improve your essay, ensure you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that directly addresses the question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This will improve the clarity of your task response.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your coherence and cohesion, try to organize your paragraphs more effectively around central ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point or shows its significance to the overall argument.
task achievement
Make sure to provide specific examples to support your arguments. These can include statistics, case studies, or hypothetical scenarios that are directly related to the topic. Doing so will increase the relevance and persuasiveness of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • exploitation
  • economic growth
  • infrastructure
  • underdeveloped areas
  • environmental cost
  • habitat destruction
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable development
  • geopolitical issues
  • resource control
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