Please evaluate my writing task based on IELTS band descriptors for writing task 2. During your evaluation, please act as a 20-year-old-experienced IELTS examiner

Congested

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

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has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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become a major problem in metropolitan

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

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, and some believe that reducing their intensity to work, study, and shopping is the best way. I completely disagree with the given idea which will be discussed in

this

essay.

Firstly

, restricting people’s outdoor activities is not sensible. It is because work, study, and shopping are categorised as fundamental activities that

fulfilling

Wrong verb form

fulfil

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both basic needs and rights. Imagine the detrimental effects

from

Change preposition

of

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people who are limited to

go

Wrong verb form

going

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to the workplace, school, or shopping centre. They might

cannot

Remove a modal verb

not

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acquire things

such

as clothes, money, and knowledge for their life improvements.

Therefore

,

prohibit

Wrong verb form

prohibiting

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their frequent mobility to access significant resources is impractical.

Secondly

,

while

limiting the demand for travelling can potentially address the related issue, it is not the primary

contributors

Fix the agreement mistake

contributor

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. Obviously, reducing the demand for going with private vehicles can be more effective. It is evident in several cities,

such

as Surakarta, where the local government impose

a

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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designated regulations to restrain its people

to use

Change preposition

from using

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personal vehicles and urging them to take public transportation,

instead

.

Consequently

, that policy appears to reduce the congestion area during peak hours

for

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by

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almost 20%.

To conclude

, I completely disagree with the idea because the crowded traffic will not be effectively solved by the limitation of people’s mobility, since it has

the

Correct article usage

an

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adverse effect

toward

Change preposition

on

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the

fulfillment

Change the spelling

fulfilment

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of

public’s

Correct article usage

the public’s

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basic needs.

In addition

, that action is

also

not the predominant cause of the emerging problems.