IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

5/2 Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or not agree?

#someone #luck
What is the key factor to become successful?
This
 question has been argued over decades. Some believe
luck
 is the main reason.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others think excessive effort,
such
 as spending more time and energy, is the crucial point of success. Personally, I partially agree with the former stance, the following content will outline my reasons. Undoubtedly, without any
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
, the achievement and goals can never be reached.
For example
, in order to become an experienced doctor, medical students need to spend years of study and accumulate excessive experience.
In addition
, they need to keep updating their knowledge and focus on every detail from patients,
as a result
, these students can become experts in their fields.
Similarly
,
this
 concept can be used
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 every successful person in our community, the factor of achievement must
contains
Change the verb form
contain
show examples
 plenty of effort, time and energy which people have spent.
However
,
luck
also
 plays a crucial role on the road to success, it is like a shortcut for a minority of people.
For instance
,
while
 students
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 for study, some of them can find an easier way to understand the lecture. As for job
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
, some applicants can perfectly display their ability in interviews.
Nevertheless
, others might encounter unpredictable accidents
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 lose their chance to join interviews.
Therefore
,
luck
 might not be the most crucial factor, but it can
also
 influence the result. Generally, there are various factors which might affect the achievement
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the target,
luck
Correct word choice
and luck
show examples
just
Add a missing verb
is just
show examples
 one of them.
Hence
, people should not only pray for
luck
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 need to work harder to reach their goals.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, ensure there is clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Each paragraph should naturally follow from the one before, with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Continue including an introduction and conclusion as they are both present and well-structured, but aim to more explicitly restate your thesis in the conclusion for a stronger final impression.
coherence cohesion
Ensure main points are supported with specific examples or evidence. While you have provided examples, they could be further detailed to enhance their impact and clarity. Consider giving more in-depth examples or personal anecdotes that clearly illustrate your points.
task achievement
For complete response, ensure that you directly address all parts of the prompt throughout the essay. While your essay does tackle the overall topic, you could explore the prompt's question more thoroughly by discussing different viewpoints more explicitly.
task achievement
Your essay displays clear and comprehensive ideas. To improve further, refine these ideas with more sophisticated language and varied sentence structures to fully convey your analysis and reflections.
task achievement
To score higher on relevant, specific examples, tie your examples more closely to the question of whether achieving aims is mostly a question of luck. Use examples that directly relate to success being attributed to luck, contrasting it with effort where necessary.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • diligence
  • consistent effort
  • inherent talent
  • honing skills
  • external factors
  • upbringing
  • social connections
  • economic background
  • right place at the right time
  • contributing factor
  • conjunction
  • success
  • achievements
  • endeavors
  • fortune
  • serendipity
  • determinants
  • efficacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: