IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter describe the situation explain your problems and why it is difficult to work say what kind of accommodation you would prefer

#room #college #student #arrangement #work #accommodation #officer #situation
Dear Sir, I am writing
this
 letter to express my
intension
Replace the word
intention
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 about the
unsatisfaction
Replace the word
dissatisfaction
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into
Change preposition
with
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 accommodation at the college.
Firstly
, as you know, I am living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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room number 16th, on the top floor of the building. I am requesting
to
Change preposition
apply
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the department so many times because I am facing some difficulties during my
self study
Add a hyphen
self-study
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. There is low lighting in the area so that can affect my
eye-sights
Correct your spelling
eyesight
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.
Moreover
, I am uncomfortable
while
 using
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
the laptop
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 because my study desk is broken.
However
, I am
also
 not able to focus on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 at night because
of
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apply
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my roommates,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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plays
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play
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 loud volume music till late
night
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at night
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.
While
,
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apply
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 I am working on a project
that is
 really urgent to submit next week. So, I am requesting you to please shift me
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 another room as soon as possible, so that I can do more focus on my education. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Thanking You, Yours Sincerely, Amit Panchal
Submitted by vmretail14 on

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greeting and closing
Ensure the letter has a clear structure with an appropriate opening and closing. Use phrases like 'Dear Accommodation Officer' to start and 'Yours faithfully' (if the name is unknown) or 'Yours sincerely' (if the name is known) to end the letter.
logical structure
Use cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'Firstly, Secondly, In addition, Consequently' to give the letter a more logical flow.
single idea per paragraph
Maintain one idea per paragraph and expand on it for coherence. Each problem should be clearly outlined in a separate paragraph with an explanation.
complete response
Fully address all aspects of the task by providing detailed descriptions of the issues, clear explanations of why they are problematic, and a concise statement of the preferred accommodation.
suitable writing tone
Match the tone to the formality of the letter. Maintain a respectful and formal tone throughout, avoiding colloquial language.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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