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Band 4

Teaching art in schools also improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

#art #schools #students #performance #subjects
It is often considered that in the contemporary world, the individual nation
provide
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provides
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education
 to the youngsters on top priority
while
,
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apply
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other
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the other
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 population thinks that giving
education
 to the aged guy who cannot read or write is essential to the community which
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 additional funding.
Thus
, I assent to the notion which
further
 leads to the logical conclusion. Commencing, there are various factors which
gives
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give
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 the benefits of learning by elder one as, if they are able to read and write, they can easily determine the expired products by seeing the package
otherwise
, they use
out dated
Correct your spelling
outdated
show examples
 products which are detrimental for their health.
However
, Old age netizens
keenly
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are keenly
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 interested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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reading
of
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apply
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spiritual books and if
by
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apply
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they are educated only
then
 they can read.
For instance
, in Delhi, recently the school
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 built for the populace which is above 40 years of age.
Probhing
Correct your spelling
Probing
 ahead, the adult person with no
education
 cannot determine the government rules,
additionally
Correct word choice
and additionally
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 not able to understand the policies that the federal officials are generally conducted for public welfare.
Moreover
, the new generation is too much workaholic as they don’t look
the
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at the
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medicine
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medicine's
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expired
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expiration
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 date, and give
to
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it to
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 their grandparents which can be harmful to them.
For example
, in Chandigarh, there was a family who
recommend
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recommended
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 the medicine to the parents and after one hour the
parent
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parents
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die
Wrong verb form
died
show examples
 due
that
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to that
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 drug. In a nutshell, the
education
 system should be
offer
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offered
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 to the aged mankind which aids
to
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apply
show examples
their life
along with
 the civilization.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

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task response
Ensure your essay directly addresses the prompt. The provided essay does not directly answer the question about the role of art in schools and its impact on students' performance in other subjects. Make sure to express a clear opinion on the topic and provide relevant supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, and make sure all paragraphs are logically sequenced and coherent.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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