IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, there are too many people
Correct pronoun usage
who argued
show examples
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 whether sports
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an essential part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 school life.
Other's
Change noun form
Others
show examples
 assert that It's should be an option not primary. Personally, I am totally
favour
Change preposition
in favour
show examples
 of the first view. Convincing arguments can be made that
Use synonyms
sport activity
Fix the agreement mistake
sports activities
show examples
 (cardio)
such
Linking Words
 as running and
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wight
Correct your spelling
weight
show examples
 lifting will
impacts
Wrong verb form
impact
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our bodies in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 positive direction.The fundamental reason for
this
Linking Words
 is
sport
Use synonyms
 is one of the most effective
method
Change to a plural noun
methods
show examples
 that
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 human mental health and comprehensive skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
It's
Verb problem
it
show examples
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a better look
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 our body shape which
bulid
Correct your spelling
builds
 self-confidence and
Correct article usage
a stronge
show examples
stronge
Correct your spelling
strong
stronger
 personality.
For instance
Linking Words
, football players
such
Linking Words
 as Ronaldo
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 one of the most famous
playres
Correct your spelling
players
 all over the world. He used to
playes
Correct your spelling
play
 soccer since he was a child, and he
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 the champion after a long term of discipline and
consistancy
Correct your spelling
consistency
.
Second,
Linking Words
Parents must educate their own children to do at least one kind of
athilite
Correct your spelling
athlete
 activity. Research has found that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 at young age who
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not tend to do any sports are more likely to have a higher
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of heart diseases than those
how
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 dose.
For example
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
study circumstances students
are skips
Wrong verb form
skip
show examples
 doing any
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity and they keep
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 excuses
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
beening
Correct your spelling
being
 busy and consider
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 optional part. In conclusion, it is
undenaible
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 that
sport
Use synonyms
 has been selected as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential and primary part
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. After providing the examples of both cases
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the previous paragraph above, I believe that
sport
Use synonyms
 should be playing a prominent
rule
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
 an optional selection.

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Introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position. The opening paragraph should also preview the main points that will be discussed.
Structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed.
Cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, but avoid overusing them. Aim for coherent linking of ideas and smoother transitions.
Grammar & Sentence Structure
Correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure to aid in clarity and readability.
Task Achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Discuss both views presented in the topic and give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition to show lexical resource. Also, carefully check spelling and word usage.
Conclusion
Include a final conclusion that summarises your main points and restates your position clearly.
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