IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
money
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 is a major key to considering a
job
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 to be worthy.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that
money
Use synonyms
 is important , other main reasons must be considered
along with
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 it.
Linking Words
Nonetheless
Add a comma
Nonetheless,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay displays that
money
Use synonyms
 alone can not be the only main
factor
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. On one hand , it is widely accepted by the majority of
people
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 that with
money
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 not all but most things can be accessible.
Due to
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 the offers that the market tries to deceive us with , it is impossible to live without
money
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.
For example
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 , the costs of accommodation and studying
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this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
 have highly increased.
Furthermore
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, the need to be observed is another fact nowadays ,
therefore
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 most
people
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 care about their performance in public which requires good clothing that costs a lot.
According to
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 many articles, not only
money
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 is an important
factor
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 , but it is
also
Linking Words
 needed to get a
job
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 in the first place since most of the
time
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 a university degree is needed to apply for a
job
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 and the costs of learning are not cheap.
On the other hand
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 , a
job
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 is something that
people
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 doing it must get satisfaction from and it is not possible only with
money
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.
For instance
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, most humans have a need to be respected in public which is something that wealth has little to do with . Another
factor
Use synonyms
 would be the working
time
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 and free
time
Use synonyms
 for the workers. Based on a report made by the Washington Post , over 80 per cent of Men and Women who were happy with their
job
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 , had a boundary between their workplace and free
time
Use synonyms
 at their house. In conclusion , it can be said that even though
money
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 value , it is not the main
factor
Use synonyms
 and other reasons must be considered
along with
Linking Words
 it.

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task achievement
Make sure your essay has a clear opinion throughout, ensuring that each paragraph supports your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further with more specific and varied examples. This strengthens your argument and showcases your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain coherence by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
For better cohesion, ensure that there's a clear relationship between main ideas and supporting details in each paragraph.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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