IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some countries with long average working hours are more economically successful than their countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree?

#countries #hours #time
It is often considered that a few countries believe that working for more
time
 period will give great capital compared to different nations which do not have
explanation
Add an article
an explanation
the explanation
show examples
 of company
time
.
Thus
 I dissent from the notion which
further
 leads to a logical conclusion. Commencing, there are various factors which conclude that giving additional
hours
 to the industry will not offer any extra income as each and every employee has their limited capacity to do the work and can't work for more the 8
hours
 a day continuously.
However
, it is natural that the human body needs rest after doing any task and if they are compelled to give extra
time
, more
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
 mentioned
hours
,
then
 it's a natural phenomenon that the body will not respond.
For instance
, the owners of Indian companies enhance the timings of the office rather than increase the employees as lots of
time
 will not offer any succession in future and it will deplete their annual turnover. Probing ahead, the Multinational Companies
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 contrast, do not increase the
hours
 rather they are hiring workers so to obtain a productive outcome.
Moreover
, corporate offices even provide snacks after every hour with coffee or tea which gives freshness to the human.
For example
, in Baxter company, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a number of people doing projects rather than extending office
hours
. In a nutshell, organizations should play with the mind as they should give benefits to their clients
instead
 of annoying them with long stays in offices.
Submitted by vermarohit981.rv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea is thoroughly developed with explanations and examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by using clear topic sentences and ensuring that each subsequent sentence builds on or supports the topic sentence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly. Avoid repetition of phrases to enhance cohesion.
task achievement
Extend and support main points with detailed explanations and relevant instances that clearly relate to the central argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Provide a clear introduction that outlines the structure of the essay and a conclusion that summarises the main points made and the writer's final position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: