Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,
school
Add an article
the school
prohibited
their children Wrong verb form
prohibit
to bring
mobile Change preposition
from bringing
phones
to class. I totally agree with this
rules where children need to focus more on the learning process without the distraction of the device.
The utilization of mobile Correct determiner usage
these
phones
are
efficient Correct subject-verb agreement
is
depends
on the activities. People Wrong verb form
depending
uses
Change the verb form
use
Add an article
the phone
a phone
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
for surfing
through Change preposition
to surf
internet
, help them with their Add an article
the internet
assignment
, and Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
updating
the issues that are happening around the world. Wrong verb form
update
However
, it is not really appropiate
to bring Correct your spelling
appropriate
phones
to school. Firstly
, some schools apply paper based
teaching. That Add a hyphen
paper-based
kind
of process support
children to be more active in class naturally by doing discussion face to face, Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
team work
and Correct your spelling
teamwork
improve
analytical thinking skills. Imagine if they bring the Wrong verb form
improving
phone
, they would not put their effort to much to the learning process because they would think any kind
of task would be solved by phones
.
Another reason is that,
There Remove the comma
apply
were
research about how Change the verb form
was
phones
could impact the capacity of someone's memory
. Our brain
has the job to absorb
stimuli every second. Stimuli are the triggers for Change preposition
of absorbing
brain
to work. In Add an article
the brain
this
case, phone
are the biggest stimuli. As we know, there are many attractions that we could get from Fix the agreement mistake
phones
phone
. Someone could switch between different kind
of platforms in a very short period of time. Those screening times lead to Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
increasing
in the speed of our Replace the word
an increase
brain
regulation but in a negative way. Our brain
could not
cope well enough because many Wrong verb form
cannot
stimulis
Correct your spelling
stimulus
stimuli
comes
right away at the same time and do not have time to absorb them well. Correct subject-verb agreement
come
This
could affects
Change the verb form
affect
on
someone's term of Change preposition
apply
memory
where it do not get the information well developed. Students are require
to have a good Change the verb form
are required
memory
for memorizing the subjects that were given. If they cannot handle it well, they will feel
struggle in order to Verb problem
apply
following
the curricula.
In conclusion, despite mobile Change the verb
follow
phones
have
Wrong verb form
having
the
positive impact, they Correct article usage
a
also
give
Verb problem
have
the
downside impact Correct article usage
a
for
students who currently studying at school. They will rely on Change preposition
on
phones
in any kind
of situations
and Fix the agreement mistake
situation
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
a
Correct article usage
apply
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
memory
.Submitted by cyruziqa on
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task achievement
Your introduction provided a clear opinion, which is good for establishing a position, but you could enhance it by offering a brief rationale for your argument. This prepares the reader for the discussion that follows.
task achievement
Be sure to directly answer the question 'To what extent do you agree or disagree?' as this will ensure your response is complete and directly addresses the task's requirement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has logical progression, however, transitions between ideas can be improved for better fluency and cohesion. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help your essay flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
To improve your main points, develop more elaborated arguments with deeper analysis. This can be done by discussing the counterarguments to provide a balanced view or exploring the consequences and implications of your opinion more thoroughly.
task achievement
While you provided examples to support your ideas, integrating more specific and relevant examples will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive. Try to use real-world instances or studies where possible to substantiate your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.