IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

"In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today". Do you agree or disagree?

#twenty #years #cars
Car
 is the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
show examples
 transportation. Speediness, convenience, and privacy are the reasons that
people
 choose to buy
cars
 rather than
riding
Wrong verb form
ride
show examples
 on a bus. Some experts predicted that
car
 ownership will experience a decrease. In my opinion, I think there will be predictably fewer
cars
 in 20 years later than at the current moment.
People
's perspective towards owning
cars
 has been changed, which accounted to be the major factor in decreasing
car
 ownership and usage. Possessing expensive and classy
cars
 used to indicate wealth, which was the subject of comparison in conversations.
However
,
people
 nowadays have heightened environmental awareness and
realized
Wrong verb form
realise
show examples
 the impact of driving their own
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
. As most
cars
 still rely on fossil fuels, they create harmful emissions which intensify the greenhouse effect and air pollution. Understanding the damaging effects on the environment deters the community from driving their own
cars
 and choosing environmentally friendly alternatives. Shared electrical scooters and bikes are used for short distances, which become an emerging trend in many cities. Urbanization will become more prevalent 20 years later, which reduce reliance on private transport. There will be a large population relocated to major cities,
due to
 work opportunities and better living standards. Most of the major cities have comprehensive transportation networks with extensive coverage over the metropolitan area, which
people
 can commute to the city centre with a myriad of methods.
Furthermore
, congestion is the primary concern in most metropolises. districts. Take London as an example, travelling through the underground provides a reliable source of transport that perfectly skips the traffic jam. The ubiquitousness of the London railway system draws urban dwellers into taking trains rather than owning a
car
.
Furthermore
, the cost of owning a
car
 has been increased which discourages
people
 from owning their vehicles.
Due to
 inflation,
car
 prices will be increasing. Meanwhile, with heavier automobile taxes and insurance,
coupled with
 maintenance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
, it can be a great expenditure. Possessing their own automobile becomes a financial burden to the lower income groups and discourages them from buying one. In summary, the popularity of private
cars
 will experience a decline because of both personal reasons and societal changes. The concept of having a
car
 will be changing. Explorations of other transportation means should be achieved by the government.
Submitted by huiloksumstephanie on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You've outlined clear and thoughtful arguments supported by examples. Try expanding even more on your examples with specific data or studies to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a clear and concise structure throughout your essay. You've done well in organizing your paragraphs, but watch out for any areas where ideas might not flow as smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Consider broadening your range of linking words and phrases to enhance connectivity between ideas, although the ones used already contribute well to the essay’s coherence.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion that wrap up your essay neatly.
task achievement
You have done an excellent job at developing your main points with relevant and supporting examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: