IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

"In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today". Do you agree or disagree?

#twenty #years #cars
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Car
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 is the most
favorable
Change the spelling
favourable
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 transportation. Speediness, convenience, and privacy are the reasons that
people
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 choose to buy
cars
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 rather than
riding
Wrong verb form
ride
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 on a bus. Some experts predicted that
car
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 ownership will experience a decrease. In my opinion, I think there will be predictably fewer
cars
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 in 20 years later than at the current moment.
People
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's perspective towards owning
cars
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 has been changed, which accounted to be the major factor in decreasing
car
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 ownership and usage. Possessing expensive and classy
cars
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 used to indicate wealth, which was the subject of comparison in conversations.
However
Linking Words
,
people
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 nowadays have heightened environmental awareness and
realized
Wrong verb form
realise
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 the impact of driving their own
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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. As most
cars
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 still rely on fossil fuels, they create harmful emissions which intensify the greenhouse effect and air pollution. Understanding the damaging effects on the environment deters the community from driving their own
cars
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 and choosing environmentally friendly alternatives. Shared electrical scooters and bikes are used for short distances, which become an emerging trend in many cities. Urbanization will become more prevalent 20 years later, which reduce reliance on private transport. There will be a large population relocated to major cities,
due to
Linking Words
 work opportunities and better living standards. Most of the major cities have comprehensive transportation networks with extensive coverage over the metropolitan area, which
people
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 can commute to the city centre with a myriad of methods.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, congestion is the primary concern in most metropolises. districts. Take London as an example, travelling through the underground provides a reliable source of transport that perfectly skips the traffic jam. The ubiquitousness of the London railway system draws urban dwellers into taking trains rather than owning a
car
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the cost of owning a
car
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 has been increased which discourages
people
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 from owning their vehicles.
Due to
Linking Words
 inflation,
car
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 prices will be increasing. Meanwhile, with heavier automobile taxes and insurance,
coupled with
Linking Words
 maintenance
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
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, it can be a great expenditure. Possessing their own automobile becomes a financial burden to the lower income groups and discourages them from buying one. In summary, the popularity of private
cars
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 will experience a decline because of both personal reasons and societal changes. The concept of having a
car
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 will be changing. Explorations of other transportation means should be achieved by the government.
Submitted by huiloksumstephanie on

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task achievement
You've outlined clear and thoughtful arguments supported by examples. Try expanding even more on your examples with specific data or studies to strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain a clear and concise structure throughout your essay. You've done well in organizing your paragraphs, but watch out for any areas where ideas might not flow as smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Consider broadening your range of linking words and phrases to enhance connectivity between ideas, although the ones used already contribute well to the essay’s coherence.
coherence cohesion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion that wrap up your essay neatly.
task achievement
You have done an excellent job at developing your main points with relevant and supporting examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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