IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in the society, while others think that individuals can have alot of influence. What is your opinion?

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While
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 some people think that only the government is able to achieve crucial changes in
the
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apply
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society, others believe that individuals can propel plenty of turns. I am on the fence about
this
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 statement as I partly agree with
the the
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apply
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both parts of
this
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. In
this
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 essay, I am planning to spotlight a number of my thoughts about
this
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 and bring some examples. On the one hand, authorities can and should be responsible for essential public alterations mostly
due to
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 having enough tools and funds to trigger them. To illustrate, I would like to point out the example of Finland, the country
that is
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 famous for its educational system. Obviously,
this
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 amazing system
Finlad
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Finland
 has
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due
Add a missing verb
is due
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 to the government's true
politic
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politics
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. I know that a number of other countries try to copy their methods of education, as it is known as the best one.
On the other hand
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, I wholeheartedly believe that a single person can become the reason
of
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for
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 a milestone.
For example
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, the well-known Bill Geyts and Mark
Zukerberg
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Zuckerberg
 are the brightest examples of
this
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. Needless to say, it is hard to overevaluate the contribution they have in the world society's changing. Without exaggeration, they have
been
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apply
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essentially changed the world! On the
countrary
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contrary
 I can note that
such
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 kinds of individuals are not the usual ones, they are the people with
the
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a
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 certain way of thinking,
extremelly
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extremely
 hardworking and creative,
they
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and they
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 always see their aims and do their best to achieve the goals.
To sum
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up
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up,
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 all written above, I would like
to conclude
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 that great changes in
the
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apply
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society could happen in both cases,
due to
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government's
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the government's
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 efforts and
be
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apply
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a single individual's achievements.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear logical structure by organizing it into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea. Use transition words to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and conclusion. Ensure your introduction sets the stage for your argument and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points. Avoid introducing new arguments in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed examples. While you have provided examples, try to make sure they are fully developed and directly linked to your argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Ensure that your essay directly responds to the question and present a clear opinion. You could improve by making your own stance more distinct and comprehensive.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas throughout your essay. While you have clear ideas, they could be expanded with more detailed explanations and analysis.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your point of view. Your examples of the Finnish education system and individuals like Gates and Zuckerberg are good, but they need to be more specific about how they influence society and relate back to the prompt more clearly.
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