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Band 7.5

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

#celebrities #film #stars #sportsmen #pop #musicians #money #jobs
In recent times, it is irrefutable that celebrities have higher earnings as compared to other sectors.
Although
this
 debate is controversial, I agree with the statement that they are being overpaid.
This
 essay will explore the departments that I believe deserve huge wages. The most prominent sectors without which human survival is inevitable are health and education. Doctors should be highly paid because they have to overcome several challenges to get a certification.
Moreover
, they have to become a bookworm for several years, sacrifice their social life and invest a large amount of money to become a specialist.
Thus
, they should be rewarded by allocating good packages.
Besides
this
, teachers are the cornerstone of any nation. Whether a person is an engineer, a doctor or a businessman, he is unable to get a qualification without the assistance of a teacher. High salaries would encourage teachers to provide quality education, and
this
 will foster juveniles to pursue their careers.
This
 will lead towards the country’s development and economic boost as more aspirants will acquire high-level positions.
Hence
, a nation will progress.
Nevertheless
, earning a name and fame to become a renowned celebrity is
also
 a daunting task. Singers, dancers and sportsmen faced numerous obstacles to reach the pinnacles of success, and they set their values.
Therefore
, it is unfair to state that they are getting more money than they deserve.
To conclude
, even though celebrities
such
 as singers or athletes are earning excessively, it is their hard-earned money. Despite
this
, I believe that healthcare and educational employees should have the highest annual packages as both are indispensable sectors for a developed or developing nation.
Submitted by sdeepkaur9 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout, responding to the question directly and maintaining focus, which is good for task achievement. To improve, make sure to fully develop all parts of the task, not only stating your opinion but also addressing counterarguments more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a generally logical structure, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion. Transition words are used appropriately. However, try to make logical connections between ideas even clearer, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You have supported your main points with explanations, but including a greater variety of specific examples to support your points might make your argument more convincing. Aim to include at least one detailed example per main body paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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