Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

#celebrities #film #stars #sportsmen #pop #musicians #money #jobs

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In recent times, it is irrefutable that celebrities have higher earnings as compared to other sectors.

Although

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this

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debate is controversial, I agree with the statement that they are being overpaid.

This

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essay will explore the departments that I believe deserve huge wages. The most prominent sectors without which human survival is inevitable are health and education. Doctors should be highly paid because they have to overcome several challenges to get a certification.

Moreover

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, they have to become a bookworm for several years, sacrifice their social life and invest a large amount of money to become a specialist.

Thus

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, they should be rewarded by allocating good packages.

Besides

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this

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, teachers are the cornerstone of any nation. Whether a person is an engineer, a doctor or a businessman, he is unable to get a qualification without the assistance of a teacher. High salaries would encourage teachers to provide quality education, and

this

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will foster juveniles to pursue their careers.

This

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will lead towards the country’s development and economic boost as more aspirants will acquire high-level positions.

Hence

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, a nation will progress.

Nevertheless

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, earning a name and fame to become a renowned celebrity is

also

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a daunting task. Singers, dancers and sportsmen faced numerous obstacles to reach the pinnacles of success, and they set their values.

Therefore

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, it is unfair to state that they are getting more money than they deserve.

To conclude

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, even though celebrities

such

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as singers or athletes are earning excessively, it is their hard-earned money. Despite

this

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, I believe that healthcare and educational employees should have the highest annual packages as both are indispensable sectors for a developed or developing nation.

Submitted by sdeepkaur9 on Tue Feb 06 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position throughout, responding to the question directly and maintaining focus, which is good for task achievement. To improve, make sure to fully develop all parts of the task, not only stating your opinion but also addressing counterarguments more thoroughly.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a generally logical structure, with an introduction, main body, and conclusion. Transition words are used appropriately. However, try to make logical connections between ideas even clearer, and ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to enhance coherence.

task achievement

You have supported your main points with explanations, but including a greater variety of specific examples to support your points might make your argument more convincing. Aim to include at least one detailed example per main body paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

273 words

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Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that charities should help people in need no matter where those people are in the world,Others feel that these organizations should only serve the people living in the country where they are based Discuss both sides and give your own view.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

Public transport is essential but problematic. Describe some of problems connected to public transport and suggest some solutions.

Parents should spend more time with their children helping them with their homework. Do you agree or disagree?