IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people now wear western-style dress such as suits and jeans rather than traditional clothing. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #dress #suits #jeans #development
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Fashion is an important component of culture and people’s
live
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lives
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. By modernization, communities have turned to more stylish clothes, in which
western’s
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western
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 fashion has a big proportion of trending.
While
this
 phenomenon has
downside
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a downside
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,
however
, in my perspective, it has no problem
on
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apply
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following the
western’s
Capitalize word
Western’s
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 style.
To begin
 with, over the years, in the light of scorning cultural clothes as an old-fashioned style, traditional attire has seemed out of proportion.
Western’s
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Western
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 countries, by consuming more
fund
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funds
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on
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in
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cinema
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the cinema
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 industry, achieve
namouras
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namouras'
namoura's
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attentions
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attention
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 and
implication
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implications
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 of
human’s
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human
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 lifestyles.
For example
, smoking has been
got
Verb problem
apply
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used to be popular after the famous casts have used
cigarette
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cigarettes
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 in
movie
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movies
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.
For
this
 reason, it would be no odd why these countries could be more effective.
In addition
, these days they have done their best with
social-media
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social media
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 to inspire requirements of
fad
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fads
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 and
mood
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moods
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 by influencers and celebrities to export their goods to the world.
By regarding
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Regarding
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 the necessities of preserving heritage, the traditional
dress
 has many accessories and, in some cases, it is too heavy.
For instance
, medieval
dress
 is so big and not comfortable and practical for modern women. It took time to
dress
 up, and it is not compatible
for
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with
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digital
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the digital
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 era, which is no more wasting time.
Thus
,
community
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the community
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 requires a simple and mundane
dress
 as long as
elegant
Add an article
an elegant
the elegant
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 suit. The westerners have offered jeans and coats which have especially been selected by the youth.
Moreover
, the traditional styles are costlier than modern
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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, because of
lump
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a lump
the lump
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 sum of expensive accessories,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they have to wear
such
 as powdered wigs. In modern style,
such
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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extra useless things do not exist. In summary, over the years,
human
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humans
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 tend to have a simple and comfortable lifestyle, which didn’t exist in the past.
Therefore
, westerners could suggest an alternative one by wide advertising
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 the world.
Not to mention
 that the culture, which
dress
 is a significant part of it, should be taken into account and preserved.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly addresses the question and presents a clear stance on the topic. Provide a thesis statement that outlines the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words to create coherence, and organize your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or explanations.
task achievement
Expand on your examples, providing more details and clear explanations to support your main points. Specific examples should be relevant and contribute to the development of your argument.
task achievement
Work on providing a balanced discussion of both views if the question asks 'Is this a positive or negative development?'. You should discuss both sides to fully address the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • cultural homogenization
  • western-style dress
  • traditional clothing
  • cosmopolitan
  • modernity
  • fashion preferences
  • cultural identity
  • conformity
  • practicality
  • multinational corporations
  • socio-economic factors
  • cross-cultural
  • cultural appreciation
  • diversity
  • influence
  • heritage
  • textiles
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