Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While
some people think family play
an
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a
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significant role in children's
life
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lives
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,
other
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others
show examples
find external influence is more important.
This
essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion. In the
begin
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beginning
show examples
,
due to
parents
occupy
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occupying
show examples
a huge proportion of teenagers'
life
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lives
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,they do have
great
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a great
show examples
effect on their
child
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children
show examples
. There is no doubt that
parents
are the most people that understand their
child
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children
show examples
in the world as they
education
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educate
show examples
them since they were born. When the
child
is growing, he will learn what his
parents
doing
according to
their daily routines and actions.
For example
, when a
child
's father
like
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likes
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drawing,
then
the
child
may draw more attention to painting as it is the thing that his father
what
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apply
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always
do
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does
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. So it is true that
parents
play an irreplaceable character in
childern's
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children's
life
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lives
show examples
.
However
, some external
factor
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factors
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also
will
bring
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have
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vital
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
on teenagers which is cannot
replace
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be replaced
show examples
by
family'
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family
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influence
such
as
impact
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the impact
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bring
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brought
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from
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by
show examples
school, work and society. Out of home, students will get various experiences from different areas outside. Failure must undergo and
hurdle
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hurdles
show examples
must face. When they are
forcing
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forced
show examples
to
outcome
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overcome
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the
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apply
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difficulties without
parents'
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their parents'
show examples
help, something can
be learn
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be learned
show examples
through the process that will mentor them to be
a
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apply
show examples
better
person
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people
show examples
in the future.
As a result
, external
factor
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factors
show examples
bring great impacts on
children'
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children's
show examples
further
development.
To
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In
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conclusion,
although
parents
educate students since they
were
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are
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born and bring many
influence
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influences
show examples
,
impacts
Correct article usage
the impacts
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of external
factor
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factors
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot
replace
Wrong verb form
be replaced
show examples
by family.
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task achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure you explore both views thoroughly and provide a clear personal opinion. Expand upon your arguments with specific examples to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Your introduction and conclusion could be more distinctive in presenting and summarizing your key points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to strengthen the flow and clarity of your essay. Avoid repeating phrases and make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for grammatical errors and ensure proper sentence structures to enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
In the introduction, directly address the essay prompt and state your own opinion to give the reader a clear understanding of your stance.
task achievement
Develop your conclusion so that it effectively summarizes the points made and reiterates your opinion, making it clear to the reader where you stand on the issue.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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