Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While
some people think family play an
significant role in children's Change the article
a
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
other
find external influence is more important. Fix the agreement mistake
others
This
essay will discuss both views and give my own opinion.
In the begin
, Replace the word
beginning
due to
parents
occupy
a huge proportion of teenagers' Wrong verb form
occupying
life
,they do have Fix the agreement mistake
lives
great
effect on their Add an article
a great
child
. There is no doubt that Fix the agreement mistake
children
parents
are the most people that understand their child
in the world as they Fix the agreement mistake
children
education
them since they were born. When the Replace the word
educate
child
is growing, he will learn what his parents
doing according to
their daily routines and actions. For example
, when a child
's father like
drawing, Replace the word
likes
then
the child
may draw more attention to painting as it is the thing that his father what
always Correct pronoun usage
apply
do
. So it is true that Correct subject-verb agreement
does
parents
play an irreplaceable character in childern's
Correct your spelling
children's
life
.
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, some external factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
also
will bring
vital Verb problem
have
affect
on teenagers which is cannot Correct your spelling
effects
replace
by Wrong verb form
be replaced
family'
influence Change noun form
family
such
as impact
Correct article usage
the impact
bring
Wrong verb form
brought
from
school, work and society. Out of home, students will get various experiences from different areas outside. Failure must undergo and Change preposition
by
hurdle
must face. When they are Fix the agreement mistake
hurdles
forcing
to Wrong verb form
forced
outcome
Correct your spelling
overcome
the
difficulties without Correct article usage
apply
parents'
help, something can Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
be learn
through the process that will mentor them to be Change the verb form
be learned
a
better Correct article usage
apply
person
in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
people
As a result
, external factor
bring great impacts on Fix the agreement mistake
factors
children'
Change noun form
children's
further
development.
To
conclusion, Change preposition
In
although
parents
educate students since they were
born and bring many Wrong verb form
are
influence
, Change to a plural noun
influences
impacts
of external Correct article usage
the impacts
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
to
Change preposition
apply
them
cannot Correct pronoun usage
apply
replace
by family.Wrong verb form
be replaced
Submitted by callachan8 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
To improve in Task Achievement, ensure you explore both views thoroughly and provide a clear personal opinion. Expand upon your arguments with specific examples to fully address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each with a central idea. Your introduction and conclusion could be more distinctive in presenting and summarizing your key points.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to strengthen the flow and clarity of your essay. Avoid repeating phrases and make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Double-check for grammatical errors and ensure proper sentence structures to enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
In the introduction, directly address the essay prompt and state your own opinion to give the reader a clear understanding of your stance.
task achievement
Develop your conclusion so that it effectively summarizes the points made and reiterates your opinion, making it clear to the reader where you stand on the issue.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.