6/2 In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, because of updating technology and communication applications, online shopping
becomes
a trend for Wrong verb form
has become
majority
of consumers. Add an article
the majority
However
, some argue whether this
phenomenon is beneficial to our society or not. Personally, I believe this
is a positive trend, and the following content will outline my reasons.
Firstly
, the convenience of purchasing online is undoubted, beacuse
people spend less Correct your spelling
because
time
on
shopping and they can efficiently use their free Change preposition
apply
time
, such
as to have a rest at home, accompany with
family members and exercise in their break Change preposition
apply
time
. Due to
the fast-paced lifestyle in the city, online shopping can assist people as a time
saver. For example
, while
workers finish their work, they order meals on food delivery applications, when
they arrive home, their dinners arrive as well. Without any Correct word choice
and when
time
waste
, people can fully enjoy their break Replace the word
wasted
time
.
Secondly
, online shopping also
benefits owners of clothes and grocery stores. For instance
, on shopping applications, owners can provide detaied
information on their products, Correct your spelling
detailed
such
as price, material and expire
date. Replace the word
expiration
Furthermore
, online
store only Correct article usage
an online
need
a website for operation, it has no need Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
for hiring
numerous employees and reduce the demand Change preposition
to hire
of
renting a place for selling products. Change preposition
for
As a result
, managing online stores is cheaper and more convenient than normal stores.
In conclusion, because of the fast-paced lifestyle in the current world, both workers and employers need to manage their time
and energy efficiently. Online purchasing offers time
-saving services for consumers and lower expense
for store owners. Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
Hence
, I firmly believe it is a beneficial trend for the contempory
Correct your spelling
contemporary
socity
.Correct your spelling
society
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task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop your main points by expanding on the examples you provide, linking them directly to the question prompt for clearer relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Check your work for any spelling or grammatical errors. Also, consider diversifying your vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
task achievement
Work on the accuracy of paraphrasing in your introduction and conclusion to ensure that they reflect the nuances of the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization of ideas is clear, but you may consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In order to strengthen your argument, consider providing more detailed examinations or counterarguments to show a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion.