6/2 In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, because of updating technology and communication applications, online shopping
becomes
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has become
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a trend for
majority
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the majority
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of consumers.
However
, some argue whether
this
phenomenon is beneficial to our society or not. Personally, I believe
this
is a positive trend, and the following content will outline my reasons.
Firstly
, the convenience of purchasing online is undoubted,
beacuse
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because
people spend less
time
on
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apply
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shopping and they can efficiently use their free
time
,
such
as to have a rest at home, accompany
with
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apply
show examples
family members and exercise in their break
time
.
Due to
the fast-paced lifestyle in the city, online shopping can assist people as a
time
saver.
For example
,
while
workers finish their work, they order meals on food delivery applications,
when
Correct word choice
and when
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they arrive home, their dinners arrive as well. Without any
time
waste
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wasted
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, people can fully enjoy their break
time
.
Secondly
, online shopping
also
benefits owners of clothes and grocery stores.
For instance
, on shopping applications, owners can provide
detaied
Correct your spelling
detailed
information on their products,
such
as price, material and
expire
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expiration
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date.
Furthermore
,
online
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an online
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store only
need
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needs
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a website for operation, it has no need
for hiring
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to hire
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numerous employees and reduce the demand
of
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for
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renting a place for selling products.
As a result
, managing online stores is cheaper and more convenient than normal stores. In conclusion, because of the fast-paced lifestyle in the current world, both workers and employers need to manage their
time
and energy efficiently. Online purchasing offers
time
-saving services for consumers and lower
expense
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expenses
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for store owners.
Hence
, I firmly believe it is a beneficial trend for the
contempory
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contemporary
socity
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society
.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

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task achievement
Ensure that you fully develop your main points by expanding on the examples you provide, linking them directly to the question prompt for clearer relevance.
coherence and cohesion
Check your work for any spelling or grammatical errors. Also, consider diversifying your vocabulary to demonstrate a wider range of language skills.
task achievement
Work on the accuracy of paraphrasing in your introduction and conclusion to ensure that they reflect the nuances of the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Your organization of ideas is clear, but you may consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
In order to strengthen your argument, consider providing more detailed examinations or counterarguments to show a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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