Children should do organized activities in their free time while others believe children should be free to do what they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Some argue that
children
should have their
freedom to Change the word
the
what
they want to do and some people think that should Add a missing verb
do what
well-organized
by their Add a missing verb
be well-organized
parents
. In this
essay
I will discuss both Add a comma
essay,
point
of view and Change to a plural noun
points
giving
Wrong verb form
give
Correct article usage
an explaination
explaination
Correct your spelling
explanation
why
I believe Change preposition
of why
with
Change preposition
apply
parents
should planned
Wrong verb form
plan
children
Change noun form
children's
activity
.
On the one hand, Fix the agreement mistake
activities
children
should be received of feel about their free to do what they want to. Because It can improve their creativity and feeling to explore something new in their lives. This
a
good Add a missing verb
is a
things
for developing their personality, Correct the article-noun agreement
thing
intelegence
, and skills. Correct your spelling
intelligence
For instance
, in our society. The pupils who is
free to play around their Change the verb form
are
home
or in Fix the agreement mistake
homes
the
schools make them Correct article usage
apply
to
become smart Change the verb form
apply
kids
with feeling to learn anythings
because Fix the agreement mistake
anything
their
not Change the pronoun
they
affraid
to ask Correct your spelling
afraid
any
Change preposition
about any
ambigous
things Correct your spelling
ambiguous
around
their lives. Change preposition
about
Moreover
, the
Correct article usage
apply
kids
with high curiosity usually don't
Verb problem
aren't
scare
to try something new Replace the word
scared
and
makes them improve a lot. After they Correct word choice
which
found
what really they want, It makes them focus Wrong verb form
find
with
Change preposition
on
that
hobbies or what they Change the word
their
passionate
Add a missing verb
are passionate
.
Change preposition
about.
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
parents
who makes
a list Change the verb form
make
to
their Change preposition
of
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
isn't
false. Because they entitle to take care Change the verb form
aren't
their
own Change preposition
of their
kids
. In
Change preposition
From
this
perspective, I agree parents
should schedule their children
because they too
young to take Add a missing verb
are too
responsibiltiy
for Correct your spelling
responsibility
handle
their lives. So, the Change the verb form
handling
parents
take a part for
Change preposition
in
this
and the children
can be directed well for a good life. For instance
, the childrens
just think Correct your spelling
children
to play
and Change preposition
about playing
does'nt
think about studying or Correct your spelling
don't
have
Wrong verb form
having
break
after Add an article
a break
play
around. The Wrong verb form
playing
parents
should control this
to balance their children
Change noun form
children's
activity
. Furthermore
, the parents
can schedule their offspring to join any kind positive
Change preposition
of positive
activity
such
as football
club or music lesson. It can Correct article usage
a football
Verb problem
apply
be
improve their skills and development.
In conclusion, the Unnecessary verb
apply
children
who is
provided freely to do what they want to do Change the verb form
are
becoming
Wrong verb form
become
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
kids
a kid
kids
with creativity and high curiosity and also
the parents
who schedule activity
their offspring can Fix the agreement mistake
activities for
be directed
Wrong verb form
direct
children
to learn in positive
way. And Change the article
a positive
i
believe that well-organized Change the capitalization
I
activity
for kids
is the best way for their improvement and learning.Submitted by fiez97 on
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Task Achievement
The response addresses the question of whether children should be allowed to freely choose their activities or have them organized by parents. To improve the score in Task Achievement, the essay should include more specific examples to support each viewpoint. Referencing studies or real-world scenarios where children's free play or structured activities have had measurable outcomes could strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
To achieve a higher score in Coherence and Cohesion, the essay should be structured in a more logical and clear way. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more developed to better summarize the key points of the essay. Transition words should be used more effectively to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Language
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and range, including verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and proper use of articles and pronouns. Additionally, vocabulary should be varied and correctly used to convey precise meanings. Spelling errors also need to be corrected to enhance the communicative quality of the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite