Many manufactored food and drink products contain high levels of sugar,which cause many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Sugary
products
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improve many health problems for
people
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who are addicted to them in the long term. In the majority of cases, they don’t know about the causes of being addicted to sugary
products
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. Is making them more expensive or getting a higher tax on them will be more useful? I completely agree that making those
products
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more expensive will affect less buying them and, in
this
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essay, I will support my view.
Firstly
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, one of the biggest outcomes of being addicted to sugary
products
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is obesity.
People
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who don’t
care
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about their
life
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quality and body shape have
this
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problem to tackle.
However
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, young generations will not see their impact on their lives in the short term, it will start to show in the Middle Ages. Elderly
people
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have to be more cautious about not having
sugar
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to live healthier.
For instance
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, individuals who
care
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about their style to be good-looking have to refuse sugary
products
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and get a no-
sugar
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diet.
Secondly
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, sugary
products
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could
also
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cause many more health problems
such
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as different types of cancer. Illness may be a more important result of
sugar
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addiction for those who refuse to accept its drawbacks. Preventing
sugar
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from our lives can affect
life
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value
for example
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it can help us to get up earlier.
As a result
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, our body is our premier asset for the rest of our lives and we have to take
care
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of it to have a precious
life
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.
On the other hand
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, in many cases,
people
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prefer to enjoy the moment and have
sugar
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products
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and junk food rather than be cautious. The joy and happiness of delicious food and drinks are more valuable to them.
To sum up
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, to see the great aspect of
life
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we should take
care
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of our bodies. Obesity and health problems like cancer can hurt our lifestyle and body shape.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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task achievement
Ensure that you address the prompt directly and maintain a clear position throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure all paragraphs are well-organized and ideas are logically ordered, with clear topic sentences and transitions.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to support your main points. Specific examples add weight to your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but work on making your thesis statement and concluding thoughts more impactful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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