Some people think it is no longer necessary for children to go to school because they can do all their learning online. Others believe learning in schools is essential. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The internet has infiltrated all aspects of our lives, revolutionizing the present
education
system by enabling students with the flexibility to study from home. While
certain individuals contend the notion that the necessity for schools is foregone and schoolers can be educated through online learning platforms, other people claim the opposite view by emphasizing the importance of the conventional school
education
system.
First and foremost, in the present, only a few schools offer either hybrid or completely online education
choices for pupils to choose from. Global phenomena such
as COVID-19 have terminated all open-ended questions that were raising apprehension by conservatives about whether an online school
education
could be relied on or not. To cite an example, local schools in Azerbaijan performed for two consecutive years through online meeting tools like Zoom and Microsoft. Furthermore
, in the case of an emergency, having this
educational agility could come in handy to ensure the sustainability of school
education
regardless of the conditions. From another perspective, it takes a huge amount of time for some students to attend in a physical classroom, therefore
, online education
seems like the most pragmatic solution in the cases which are similar to this
.
On the other hand
, it is my contention that making school
education
online can be detrimental to future generations. Because physical contact and interaction between children and teachers are paramount at this
stage of human development. Moreover
, there are many properties and ethical subjects to be passed down by teachers to students which is not possible on an online programme. The importance of face-to-face education
is undeniable and this
expedites the entire learning cycle, by eliminating barriers and establishing a perfect communication channel between learners and teaching staff.
In conclusion, although
the existence of a hybrid online school
might be fruitful amidst an emergency situation, a thorough transition from conventional to the online school
system could be downgrading,
Correct word choice
and, thus
thus
should not be considered by the Ministry of Education
.Submitted by orkhanshamil on
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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is developed, rather than listing multiple reasons or examples that might dilute the clarity of your argument. Use cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are coherent and appropriately bookend your essay, but consider enhancing your conclusion by summarizing your arguments more succinctly and clearly stating your opinion without introducing new points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more focused examples and explanations. Each body paragraph should have a clear central idea illustrated by a specific, relevant example that underpins your argument. Avoid introducing unrelated or new ideas within these supporting paragraphs.
task achievement
While you provide a complete response to the task, enhance your task achievement by ensuring that your opinion is always clear throughout the essay, not only at the end. This will help to keep your essay more focused and responsive to the prompt.
task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas. Further improvement can be made by sharpening your thesis statement so it echoes throughout the essay, clearly guiding the reader through your viewpoint from beginning to end.
task achievement
When using examples, ensure they are relevant and specific enough to back up your points. While you mention the use of online learning during COVID-19, providing specific data or case studies can lend more weight to your argument and support task achievement.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example